Traveling Without Moving

adios!

2009-09-29T14:32:00.001-07:00

be somebody

2009-09-14T06:40:00.000-07:00

And we have a slideshow!

Kali sent us access to the online proof gallery yesterday. We were blown away. If you're interested, go here, and click on our wedding. The password is my new last name.

dreaming tree

2009-09-07T17:27:00.000-07:00

In a continued effort to reduce the amount of paper waste that our home produces (a massive task these days when wedding presents keep arriving on our front door wrapped in more paper than can possible be necessary), we have been trying to use as few paper towels (including Clorox GreenWorks counter wipes) as possible. Today I bought these and think I am in love. They are thinner than the cloth towels I had been using and rinse/dry very quickly.

In other news, we made a delicious black bean & salsa soup to accompany our burritos for dinner tonight. Brian has advanced from kitchen outcast to sous chef with admirable aplomb. Recipes below, but no pictures because we devoured everything too quickly. I also made a vegetarian lasagne and Rigatoni Bolognese to freeze for the week.

Our lives are super exciting, I know.

Black Bean & Salsa Soup
adapted from Leo on the Loose

Ingredients:
2 (15 oz) cans black beans, drained and rinsed
1 ½ c. vegetable broth (chicken works if you don't have veggie)
1 c. chunky salsa
1 t. ground cumin
1/8 t. cayenne (we like stuff HOT, you may want to skip this if you don't like spicy foods)
squirt of lemon/lime juice

Method:
In a blender (or using an immersion blender), combine beans, broth, salsa, cumin, cayenne, and lemon juice. Blend until fairly smooth. Heat the bean mixture in a medium saucepan over medium heat until thoroughly heated.

Vegetarian Burritos
via Gourmet

Ingredients:
1 onion, finely chopped
½ lb. mushrooms, finely chopped
1 tablespoon vegetable oil
1 bunch spinach (about 1 pound), coarse stems discarded, washed well and spun dry
2 garlic cloves
¼ cup water
1 cup canned black beans, rinsed well and drained
1 teaspoon fresh lemon juice
2 scallions, finely chopped
¾ cup coarsely grated pepper Jack cheese (about 5 ounces)
Salt
½ cup canned mild enchilada sauce
2 (10-inch) or 4 (8-inch) flour tortillas

Method:
In a heavy skillet cook onion and mushrooms in oil over moderate heat, stirring, until golden. Add spinach and garlic and cook, stirring, until spinach is wilted, about 30 seconds. Stir in water, beans, lemon juice, scallions, pepper Jack, salt, to taste, and cook stirring, until cheese is melted.

In a small saucepan, heat enchilada sauce.

Heat a dry skillet (large enough to hold 1 tortilla) over moderately high heat until hot. In skillet heat tortillas, 1 at a time, turning frequently, 30 seconds, or until softened, and transfer to a work surface. Divide filling between tortillas and roll up burritos.

*Note: We do not like enchilada sauce, so we dressed our burritos with Tapatio instead. I also used the leftover black beans from the burritos and added them to the soup while it was heating on the stovetop. It gave it a nice texture and kept the soup from just being pureed black beans.

you & me together

2009-08-18T07:26:00.001-07:00

Catch a sneak peak of our sa-weet wedding photos here. More to come!

it's been a while

2009-08-12T16:07:00.000-07:00

Not sure if I'm ready to return from my blogging hiatus, but just a quick post to say that I am finishing up a book of awesome Maui photography while my husband seasons our new cast iron skillet so he can make cornbread tomorrow night.

Being married is pretty awesome.

wherever you run

2009-06-01T09:27:00.000-07:00

I just watched a student (who arrived late) lint-rolling her tshirt instead of working on her final. Seriously?

2009-05-21T07:06:00.001-07:00

I called in sick today and got a sub, effectively giving myself a 5-day weekend. This might seem excessive, but I need to start packing and getting my life in order, and we are leaving to camp in Big Sur tomorrow so.... yes. Don't judge me.

However, I woke up this morning actually sick! Oh, the cruel irony. I am both congested and have a runny nose. Not fair.

2009-05-20T14:20:00.001-07:00

I have to say, I'm none to disappointed to be leaving my district when I read emails like this:

"I have attached a copy of the contract for the New Permanent Superintendent for [our district]. It includes the amount of money she can make. Be sure to read all sections regarding compensation. I adds up to more than $192,000 (4 to 5 times that of a teacher salary) the FIRST YEAR with a $10,000. raise for each of two years following this amount. The board can add to this compensation any time they want to. Additional compensation will be given for any out-of-district travel, meals while she is away, and other out-of-pocket expenses with no cap.

This is only days following the board meeting where the district, including the same board that hired her and negotiated her sticker price, was glum-faced about the possible cuts our district face. Their discussion included all of the following:

No sports
No music
No art
No clubs

Class sizes of 40 to 50 for grades 4 through 12

Class sizes of 32 for grades K through 3

A negotiated 173-day calendar down from 182 which would be a 5% to 10% cut in pay for unit members"

No sports, music, clubs, or art? Class size of 50? 50? I can barely fit the 33 desks that are in my classroom as it is. All this so our superindenant can make $200,000? Absurd.

pina coladas

2009-05-18T22:27:00.000-07:00

I forgot to blog about my birthday!

It was definitely better than "Point Break - Live!"

Brian took me to Costanoa, where we stayed in a tent cabin, ate lots of organic food, explored Pescadero, visited a lighthouse, and hiked around on the beach a lot.

It was super.

2009-05-14T08:49:00.000-07:00

This morning I actually pulled the, "Because I'm the teacher and I said so," card.

It is SO time for school to be out.

i am a rockstar

2009-05-12T22:41:00.000-07:00

Things I am looking forward to in Campbell:
Third Friday ArtWalks
Recycle Bookstore
Los Gatos Trail
Live music at Orchard Valley
Big Band & BBQ
Sunday AM Farmer's Market
S'mores Donuts at Psycho Donuts
Sundown Cinema on First Fridays
Oktoberfest
Classes at the Community Center

Things I am going to miss about Davis/Sac:
UCC
....yeah, that's about it...

do not fear

2009-05-10T22:11:00.001-07:00

I am overwhelmed with the amount of things going on right now.

This weekend, Brian and I signed the lease for our new apartment in Campbell! We will be living 2.2 miles from my school and 4.5 miles from his and a 5 minute walk from awesome downtown Campbell at Avalon Campbell. It's slightly more money than I was wanting to pay for rent (I am the financial guru), but it is right on the Los Gatos Creek Trail which means lots of nature and running and biking, plus it's so close to our schools and has a great downtown scene and some incredible churches, so I conceded. I get what I want most of the time, so it was time for Brian to have his way. :)

So on top of lease signing and setting up utilities and merging our bank accounts (yikes!) and packing up my room in the house (I move in 4 weeks!), I also need to finish BTSA for my Professional Presentation this Wednesday (gag me), wrap up the teaching year (only 12 school days left holycrap!), deal with end-of-the-soccer-season business, and, OH YEAH, plan my wedding!

I am also having two showers this weekend, which just seems so extravegant that it's embarassing. My students (with the help of some co-workers) are throwing me a shower after school on Friday and then my mom and the b-maids are throwing the "official" shower on Sunday at the Tower Cafe. I am excited but also a little nervous, as I don't know how I feel about all this fuss over just me. I guess I should get used to it, what with a whole wedding coming up (77 days!) but... it still seems strange. This is what happens when you have to share a birthday with your sibling every single year of your life!

I intended to get a lot of work done this evening, but ended up having to call the cops because my neighbor was wasted and fighting with some other wasted guys in his backyard while his kids played in the street, so I ended up babysitting while the police and his wife did damage control. Needless to say, the move could not come at a better time.

when its good its good its so good

2009-05-01T08:09:00.001-07:00

I've never had to write a letter of resignation before. Hopefully this one is OK. It kind of made me cry.

May 1, 2009
Dear Princpal,

It is now with mixed feelings that I write this letter. While I am truly excited to be moving into a new phase of my life with my soon-to-be-husband, I am also truly heartbroken to be leaving my colleagues and friends at Our High School. This has been a difficult decision, but in the end Brian and I know that it is in both of our best interests to make the move back to the Bay Area now, when we have both been blessed with job offers in the same district.

I cannot begin to thank you for giving me the opportunity to flex my teaching muscles here at Our School. I am amazed to look back and see how much I have grown in the last two years, and that was not without your encouragement along the way. I always felt welcomed and supported and comfortable taking risks in my classroom and trying new things. Thank you for the genuine care and interest you take in your teachers and you willingness to back them up. I always knew I could go to you if I needed support and as a new teacher that was especially comforting.

Thank you for believing in me enough to allow me to teach in the freshmen academy after only one year in the classroom. It was a completely transformative experience and not only changed the way I interacted with my students on a day-to-day basis, but also how I viewed the parent-teacher communication piece as well. This was a far more challenging year than last year, but doubly rewarding. I am truly sorry that I am leaving a hole in the freshmen academy team, but am also confident that you will find a solid, student-centered teacher to take on the terribly important task of training our ninth graders to be successful in high school. They need and deserve the very best you can find.

Thank you again for every opportunity, every encouragement, every kind word in passing. I am a better teacher for having taught for you and with colleagues who I now consider friends. Good luck next year, and for many years to come. You are doing excellent work.

Sincerely,
Megan Rose Garcia

2009-04-22T14:29:00.000-07:00

So I have this kid in my 5th period class. And he's annoying. He has annoyed me since about Day 2 and has slowly spread his annoyingness around the classroom so that now everyone is annoyed with him. This sometimes results in funny conversations between students. Today my kids are reviewing for their Odyssey test by going through the poem and identifying epic similes and then explaining the things that are being compared. I'm just sitting at my desk grading because this is stuff that they totally know by now and occasionally answering questions. Then I heard this:

Annoying Student: Annie, could you just give me a tiny hint about number 1?
Vince: Dude, it's on page 652.
Annoying Student: I know but-
Annie: AND we took notes on it. We aren't helping you.

Poor little Annoying Student...

smile on my friends

2009-04-10T20:02:00.000-07:00

After a pretty long stretch since my last vacation day, I took today off (it was a minimum day anyway), so I could make it down to Campbell in time for my 1:30 interview at Del Mar High School. I was a little nervous, since my last interview with Fremont Unified was pretty lackluster. I think I did well, but it was a standard form interview and I didn't get any feedback.

Immediately when I walked into the office, I felt comfortable. I was interviewing with the principal, vice principal, and the two English department co-chair, who looked about 3 years older than me. It was a casual interview and I got the opportunity to talk about curriculum design and freshmen academies and my experience working with a diverse student population. After about an hour and fifteen minutes of talking, they told me that they had one more interview that day and that they would get back to me pretty soon because they wanted to "act on this quickly."

An hour later, I got a phone call and the principal told me he was forwarding my name to the district and I would be hearing from them soon to sign a contract if I was interested! He also offered to talk to the principal at Prospect (where Brian has an interview in a week), to let them know that we are a package deal.

So now the focus turns from just trying to get a freaking interview to finding a place to live! Exciting times!

come closer

2009-04-06T12:02:00.000-07:00

I have been a bad blogger.

But I've also been so busy I can barely think straight. So I think I should be absolved.

Spring break is a mere 4.5 days away and I am so ready. Last year around spring break I was thinking, "You know, I really like these kids. I can totally stay here another year." This year? So not the case. I am exhausted and overwhelmed and annoyed and cannot stand the thought of another second in this classroom or at this school after June 3.

That being said, I need a new job.

I've had a lot of good interviews, and another one this Friday, so let's all keep our fingers crossed.

Yesterday Brian and I capered about Sacramento with our wedding photographer, Kali Kraum, for three blissful hours of cuddling, kissing, and giggling. We had an incredible time and I am looking forward to some sweet pictures, which I will post as soon as I receive.

In other news, I am leaving for Boston to visit Bethany on the 11th for some spring break galivanting. And then Brian has a surprise planned for my birthday weekend, which he claims will rival last year's "Point Break, Live!" specatcle in awesomeness (I can't believe I didn't blog about "Point Break, Live!" last year. Bad blogger, indeed!). I'm a little worried since now that we are engaged he knows I can't break up with him if he plans something ridiculous. :)

just a litlte magic

2009-03-15T13:53:00.000-07:00

In addition to being Pi Day, yesterday was of course also St. Patrick's Day. In honor of both, I braved my first Key Lime Pie (I am a much better cook than baker, so desserts always make me nervous. There is so much.... measuring, and I am too easily distracted).

I already had some Nellie and Joe's Key West Lime Juice from October when I made Key Lime Cupcakes for Brian's birthday, and since I don't have much occasion to use key lime juice in my normal every day cooking, I saw this as a perfect opportunity to use the rest of it.

After some searching online, I decided to use Emeril's Key Lime Pie recipe, but with a few adjustments (quite brave, as I usually refuse to alter a recipe the first time through, especially a dessert).

First, I was not even remotely interested in making my own graham cracker crust, especially when you can get them ready-made, so I bought one and saved myself the trouble. Second, the sour cream icing made me very uncomfortable, even though all the reviews raved about it. I made it as the recipe called for, then added another tablespoon of powdered sugar and the juice of half a lime.

Here is my pie ready to go in the oven - so pretty!

And here is the pie after setting in the fridge for 2 hours, iced and garnished:

Success! Brian has eaten nearly half of it by now. The topping is yummy, but adding the lime juice might not have been the best idea for pie-preservation, as it made it more runny and prone to separate in the fridge. Other than that, totally delish, super tart, and way easy. I'll tackle something more difficult next time.

Tonight I am making Baked Halibut in Foil Packets. Brian and I are day-dreaming almost constantly about how much more wonderful cooking together will be when we have our own kitchen that is organized properly for cooking. I am so annoyed with this stupid kitchen in the house I am living in...

the lines of my eart

2009-03-13T20:51:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is Pi Day! I intend to make a pie.

Or maybe several small pies...

I have a student who LOVES pie, but she was absent today so I was unable to
be giddy about Pi Day with her. Sadness abounds.

Image from VROG in Bristol

one of us is leaving soon

2009-03-01T18:13:00.001-08:00

Coaching soccer means I'm home even less than I was before, so obviously my nesting instinct has set in. I keep fantasizing about having my own place with Brian and being able to set up my kitchen however I want it. Two images that have had me drooling all weekend:

Megan and Sarah's Orange Nook

How much am I in love with an orange kitchen with a reading corner??

Just plain awesome

I don't even have words for how perfect this space is. It's just perfect. Perfect, perfect, perfect.

Time to cook dinner! Pork au Poivre and a green bean salad. Yum!

Mosaic Meme

2009-02-15T18:03:00.000-08:00

Something fun from Kassey while I should be cleaning my room.

Answer the questions below in Flickr search, and then pick a picture from the FIRST page of photo results. Use Mosaic Maker to plug in the pictures and make your own journal mosaic.

1. What is your first name?

2. What is your favorite food?

3. What high school did you go to?

4. What is your favorite color?

5. Who is your celebrity crush?

6. Favorite drink?

7. Dream vacation?

8. Favorite dessert?

9. What do you want to be when you grow up?

10.What do you love most in life?

11. One word to describe you

12. Your flickr name, or if you aren't a member of flickr, your blog name, etc

1. Flying Megan......, 2. Açaí, 3. St-François d'Assise, Vienne – Saint Francis of Assisi, Vienna, 4. My purple all star for the first time at the park, 5. McDreamy getting dreamy, 6. natalia's prize..., 7. Sydney on the harbour, 8. Day 267/366:Halloween Week - Mini Pumpkin Cheesecake. Explore #109 on 10-26-08, 9. mom n baby, 10. Worship - Jesus set me free, 11. The Trees of Loyal Love, 12. The barefoot selfportrait

where were you

2009-02-13T14:11:00.000-08:00

The week has gotten marginally better as we wrapped up Part 1 of the Odyssey in Advanded 9 today and began Romeo & Juliet in Benchmark. Things that pleased me immensely in both classes:

Advanced 9 - As we read the section in which Scylla eats six of Odysseus' men and Homer then compares the way she plucks them from the ship to fly fishing, Cody (a favorite from last year) walked into my room to give me roses for Valentine's Day. Without missing a beat or even waiting for me to ask about it, as I am hugging Cody, another student says, "Wait, that's an epic simile!" This is exciting because even though these kids are smart, they are kind of lazy and have been expecting me to spoon-feed all the literary elements to them so far. I am glad to see they are starting to take some initiative and get involved in the story.

Benchmark - We read the prologue together and then I asked them to determine the ryhyme scheme. After they figured it out (ABAB CDCD EFEF GG), I asked them if that particular rhyme scheme looked familiar. And in every single class? "A sonnet! Oh! Does that mean it's written in iabic... imbanic.... iambic pentameter, too?!"

Good times. I'm still glad it's the weekend, though.

rise up

2009-02-10T11:07:00.000-08:00

I have been trying really hard to practice gratitide this month. Every day I do my best to think of one thing I am thankful for and post it as my Facebook status (silly maybe, but it reminds me to do it). Today though, I am not feeling grateful. Instead, today I am tired of overweight, apathetic students listening to crappy music on thier iPods as they saunter through the hallways, too cool to make it to class on time. I am tired of skinny jeans and weird-printed hoodies and black lace-up Vans. I am tired of "But I don't like reading," and "At least a 60% is passing," and "I lost my textbook because I put it in Bianca's locker and now it's gone" I am tired of sending kids to the nurse because "they don't feel good," when really they didn't study for the test and I'm tired of tracking them down during lunch and study hall to make up the test when I know they are just going to get a 17/50 anyway. I am tired of giving up my prep period to grade essays in the Learning Center and I am especially tired of "friendly reminders" from the tutors during 5th period that I have 15 essays to finish grading. I know how many essays I have to finish. Why do you think I haven't come in to grade them? It's because I'm not interested. It's because I'm tired. It's because I don't get paid enough to deal with obnoxious, ignorant, rude, and uninterested students every day. I am tired of having a class that is 95% weirdos and only 5% normal kids. Where are the regular kids? Where are the students with parents who make them sit down at the kitchen table when they get home from school and do their homework? Where are the parents who give out consequences for bad behavior and poor grades and reward their kids for doing well and raise their kids to be productive, positive members of society?!

I feel better now.

touch the sky

2009-02-09T16:45:00.000-08:00

Thank you President Lincoln, for giving me the day off!

Yesterday Brian and I went to The Melting Pot for dinner to celebrate our one year anniversary! Crazy. We cannot believe that a year ago we were awkwardly sitting in the Tower Cafe and now we are getting married!

Today I slept in and then went for a painful run, reminding myself that when it comes time to do the alterations for my dress in June, we can either let it out or take it in, and I want it to be taken in. I have lost some weight already, so I need to start lifting weights again so I can tone back up.

The rest of today has been... strange. I read on a blog this morning that a girl I went to college with has moved down to LA with her husband of two years and while he works as an engineer, she started a wedding planning business and is selling jewelry on the internet. I found myself both disgusted and jealous at the same time. On one hand, I would never want to stay home all day while my hubby made the big bucks. I would get bored and would wear sweatpants all the time and would probably gain weight from all the lattes I would drink. However, I would also love the opportunity to sleep in and drink coffee and go to the gym when it is not overrun with people and pursue fun things that I enjoy like cooking and decorating and the like. Why do I have to be so driven? Why do Brian and I have to have jobs that require us both to work? Why can't I just be a lazy, crafting bum? Gah!

Consequently, I spent the day puttering around the kitchen and not getting my grading done. Now I feel overwhelmed with the amount of real work I have to get done before I go into my classroom tomorrow. And I never changed out of my sweats after my run (see?).

However, I did perfect my granola bar recipe (I can't remember where I found the original one, but I think mine is better - and better for you). They are awesome! Here's the recipe:

Grab and Go Breakfast Bars

1 cup Quaker Oats
1 cup Shredded Wheat 'n Bran
1/2 cup almond slivers
1 1/2 cups dried fruit (I used a combo of apples, apricots, prunes)
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 large eggs
1/3 cup honey
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/4 cup dark chocolate chips

Preheat the oven to 350°F. Lightly oil or coat an 8 x 8-inch baking pan with nonstick cooking spray and set aside.
Place the oats, shredded wheat, almonds, dried fruit, cinnamon, and salt in a food processor and pulse until the mixture is finely chopped
In a large bow, whisk together the eggs, honey, and vanilla. Add the oatmeal mixture and chocolate chips and stir to combine.
Transfer to the baking pan and flatten down gently with the back of a spoon or spatula to spread evenly.
Bake about 18 minutes until the edges turn golden brown and the bars are done. Let bars cool completely in pan before slicing and serving.

It is supposed to yield 16, but mine only yielded (yielt?) 12. I can't imagine cutting them much smaller than I did, or they wouldn't really be very satisfying in the morning. I should have taken pictures, but didn't. Oops.

They are about a million times better than the Fiber-1 bars I have been buying at the grocery store, and way cheaper, in the long run. I think next time I will use dried pineapple, guava, and mango and omit the chocolate for a tropical treat to psyche me up for Hawaii this summer (and motivate myself to work out some more so I look irresistible in my bikini).

Then I tried to figure out my espresso machine, which has been sitting abandoned since I opened the box at Christmas. I succeeded at steaming milk and making a super weak pot of espresso. I decided to try again for a stronger brew, but must have screwed the filter on incorrectly, because the pressure from the water caused the whole basket to explode and I got gross coffee grounds everywhere. It was disgusting. I added my steamed milk to a cup of Earl Grey tea and gave up for the day. Maybe barista is not the non-teaching job for me after all...

Now I'm considering doing some laundry and making dinner (Butternut Squash and Cumin Couscous - our favorite vegetarian meal) before our soccer game tonight. And maybe doing some lesson planning. Why am I so unmotivated today?

EDIT: I can't believe I forgot to mention that I wrote the entire wedding ceremony script on Saturday! It is so multi-cultural and hippie-ish and beautiful, I just want to read it all the time. I can't wait for July!

holy moly

2009-01-28T12:42:00.000-08:00

Several exciting things this fine Wednesday afternoon:

1. We booked our honeymoon! Leaving CA on Tuesday, July 28 we will fly to Maui, drive the Road to Hana, and stay at the beautiful Hana's Heaven until Thursday. Then, we will check into my family's condo on Ka'anapali and stay for another beautiful week full of snorkeling and sun and all around fabulous good times. I am so excited already!

2. Spring Break. Cruise to Mexico. Enough said.

3. Last night I purchased software for my computer for the first time ever. I am so unbelievably obsessed with MacGourmet, it's kind of ridiculous. Brian watched in amazement as I clipped (hundreds of!) recipes that I have saved in my Delicious into the most ingenious software that is, essentially, iTunes for foodies. I am in heaven. The best $25 I have ever spent, hands down.

4. I should be expecting my photography contract to arrive in the mail any day now! Two months until engagement photos - hooray!

5. I have been running with my soccer team and I feel like I will look hotter in my dress already.

6. Brian updated our wedding website (which I cannot access on the school server- lame). "His story" is pretty adorable.

this rut that i fell into

2009-01-15T17:31:00.000-08:00

A first-year teacher from Iberia, Missouri just emailed me to ask for my point-of-view worksheets which she found the instructions on my student-teaching webpage through Google. Also, I just realized that the abstract for my thesis has been published on the School of Education Inquiry Projects page. I'm like a famous teacher person or something.

sweetness

2009-01-14T15:51:00.000-08:00

Some cute things from my students yesterday.

Adri left this note on my board while I was heating up my lunch:

And Sonja made this in MS Paint during 5th period while the rest of the class watched Goonies (it was Career Fair Day, so no actual teaching got done):
Alright, so the grammar and spelling leave something to be desired. Perhaps more time should be spent teaching and less time introducing my culturally deprived students to works of cinematic genius from the 80s? Oh well. All together now: "Aawww."

sledgehammer

2009-01-05T18:03:00.000-08:00

This year I want to simplify my life and I am trying to do so by being more organized. Consequently, I spent much of today's work day in my classroom cleaning, and filing, and organizing, and throwing away crap I don't need. I have also cleaned my bathroom, put away all my laundry immediately after washing it, loaded the dishwasher, and decided that I do not have to grade every single assignment my students turn in.

I feel better already.

this could be

2009-01-03T19:38:00.000-08:00

New wedding-related posts up at Weddinged! Mom and I have accomplished a lot in these last two weeks. I'm so excited for July!

My time in the Bay Area is up and I have to drive back to Sacramento tomorrow morning. Unpacking, lesson planning, and finals grading will take up Sunday afternoon and all day Monday, and then I see students again (including my brand-new 1st period with 32 new students!) on Tuesday. I am trying to psyche myself up to be back in the classroom after the debacle that was the last two weeks of last semester. At first, I was telling myself, "Only 18 more weeks, and then you can get a new job in a new school with new students and new co-workers," but I realized that that's not the best attitude to take. I do, after all, have to teach this job at this school with these students and these co-workers for another 18 weeks and I don't want to be miserable and counting down the whole time. I need to remind myself why I enjoy teaching and remember that second semester is so much easier and way more fun. Poetry, Odyssey, and Romeo & Juliet, plus a unit on Brave New World for the Advanced kids. Honestly, second semester is my dream job. Plus, I'll be coaching and it's always nice to see students in a context outside of the classroom.

Brian is stressed out about his Master's (but wasn't I at this time last year too?), so I'll be in charge of cooking comfort food dinners and orchestrating coffee house weekends coming up. Plus, you know, planning my wedding.

just say yes

2008-12-19T19:27:00.000-08:00

After cleaning up my room this afternoon and finally escaping into my beautiful holiday break, I realized that I had left every single final exam and paper sitting on my desk in my classroom.

So much for finishing my grades over break...

last dance

2008-12-19T08:22:00.001-08:00

I am sitting in my classroom. 5th period is taking their final and I just finished taking roll. There are 12 students absent. 12! 12 students in a class of 32 decided not to come to school today and to miss their English final that is worth 10% of their total grade. 12 students who are already in danger of failing decided to say "F--- you, Miss Garcia! We don't give a crap about your class or about our grade or about how hard you have been fighting for us this semester!"

Blah. I can't wait for 12:30.

hello it's me

2008-12-17T21:16:00.000-08:00

You can read a rather abridged version of the engagement story here. There are only 2 days left of school before the holiday break, I ran a 100+ degree fever last night, and it looks like my closet vomited into my room. Glorious.

Happy Holidays, all!

Happy Thanksgiving!

2008-12-02T06:13:00.000-08:00

This post is belated, but you'll soon understand why. Hopefully I will come up with a massive list of things I am thankful for this year soon (a la 2007 and 2006), but right now what I am most thankful for is my amazing fiance!

We are squinting because my ring is so shiny, obviously.

mighty to save

2008-11-13T16:29:00.000-08:00

Here is a school update :)

Last Friday I was scheduled (at the very, very last minute) to be observed as part of my formal "I'm a new teacher so I need to be observed several times each year to ensure that I'm not destroying the literary competancy of my students" obsesrvation. The only period available for observation? Fifth.

Oh. Crap.

Here's the deal. My fifth period is kind of crazy. Like, monkeys in a banana factory crazy. They are loud and off-task and goofy and immature and generally pains in my rear. They are sweet kids but, good Lord, I would pay so much money to just get them to be quiet and let me teach.

So. Formal observation during fifth period. On a Friday. With only one day to prepare. Awesome. This is totally going to go so well.

So I cobbled together a lesson plan involving a reading quiz, a Think-Pair-Share activity, a worksheet about parallels and conrasts in Of Mice and Men, and some independent work time to let them get caught up in their reading packets.

I prayed for a fire drill. Or a real fire.

Friday rolled around and the kids came in from lunch, sat down, and did their opener - quietly. I passed out their quizzes and they took them - quietly. I collected the quizzes and reviewed the questions. Several students raised their hands to answer and the rest? They sat quietly. We started talking about parallels. I gave some real life examples, and then one or two obvious examples from the text that we have already discussed. I then asked them to think for a minute and write down one more parallel. When they were done, I told them they were going to share their parallels in pairs and then we were going to share them with the class (See? Think. Pair. Share.).

Surely, I thought, this will not go well. This activity will, as numerous activities before, instantly devolve into madness. I stood back and watched....

My students thought quietly for a moment. Then, they turned to their pairs and shared briefly. Then they all looked at me and waited for their turn to share with the class. And then they raised their hands to share! And they shared! We had an amazing discussion, everyone was engaged and participating, and no one spoke out of turn.

It was a little creepy.

When I gave them time for independent work, I reminded them about one page in their packet called the "Chronolog" which was designed to help them review the plot of the story. Victor raised his hand, "Is it in chronological order?"

"It is," I replied. "Does everyone remember what that means from the first week of school?"

And then, as though inspired by angels, the entire class chorused in unison, "The order that events happen in time!"

My post-observation conference was today, after I threatened to rip the gum out of a fifth period student's mouth if she blew another bubble while I tried to teach and made another student sit outside for the duration of the period because he couldn't just sit quietly while we watched the end of Of Mice and Men.

"You are doing an incredible job," my VP said. "I don't have a single recommendation for you."

Oh, come on.

political musings

2008-11-05T11:53:00.000-08:00

Like many others, I am so proud to be an American today. I spent yesterday evening on my couch, under a blanket, watching the election results come in like I was watching the Superbowl. My roommate(s) walked in and out, asked uninformed questions, and looked at me like I was crazy. I ate a mini Snickers bar and read The Last Empress during commercial breaks and may have shed a tear or two when Obama's electoral vote count jumped from 200 to over 300 at 8pm.

Obama's speech... I don't have words for it. I am excited at the prospect of change. I do not think Obama has a magic bullet to fix all of American's problems, but I do believe that he desires to make positive change in our country and, as I told my students this morning, begin sewing up some of the gaping wounds from the last 8 years. We don't need a Band Aid, we need major surgery. I am disturbed by the tendancy that Obama opponents have to demonize our new leader just because he is different and represents change. How can anyone not realize that what we desperately need right now is change?

McCain ran a good race, but in the face of an economic crisis I believe that America is reluctant to trust another Republican. We saw this with the presidential race, but also with the House and Senate races. As one of my students pointed out, all the blame will fall on the Democrats if something goes wrong, but I don't know what else the Republicans could have done to secure this election when the Dems made such a concerted effort to turn the big swing states blue and McCain focused mainly on shoring up his own defenses. In the end, it just wasn't enough. When economics go south (especially as a result of a war that many do not support that was started by a Republican), it is hard to concede the leadership of our contry to another Republican. I believe that McCain did all that he could do, but the situation was against him. Do I think he would have won without the depression we are in right now? I'm not sure. But I do think it would have been a much closer electoral vote race.

So while I am proud to be an American today, I am disappointed to be a Californian. Although I'm not shocked at the Prop 8 ruling, it still makes me sad that, as many of my friends have already pointed out, right now we care more about the rights of farm animals than those of our actual citizens. How sad that we live in a state that can elect an African-American man as our president but cannot get past our own ignorance and close-mindedness to allow people to live their lives the way they choose to.

As a human being, I believe that we all deserve to be treated as equals. No one should have their basic rights as citizens taken away because of a lifestyle choice, because they are different. Who do we think we are to tell somone that because they are different from us, they deserve to be treated as "less?" It literally makes me sick to my stomach. Gay marriage is not about education, nor is it about religion. Gay marriage is about treating people like human beings, with the dignity and respect and fairness that, as human beings, we deserve.

As a Christian, I believe that we are instructed by Jesus, first and foremost, to love. I do not believe that it is my place to judge the lifestyle choices of someone else, nor do I believe that I have any right to tell someone that they are living their life incorrectly until I fix all of the junk that is in my own life. I think that we need to be a little more concerned with love and a lot less obsessed with legality. I cannot believe that Jesus would actually want me to tell someone that they are not good enough to share the same rights that I have just because they are living a lifestyle that is more openly taboo than some of the more private sins that I personally deal with. It's sometimes hard for me to wrap my liberal Christian mind around it, but in the end I always come down to love. Prop 8 passing has nothing to do with love and everything to do with ignorance and judgement. I am a sad Californian and a sad Christian.

I think Prop 8 is largely a generational issue and I do believe that in coming years we will start to see a definite shift.

There's more but.... I'll get off my soap box now.

never leaves too soon

2008-11-04T17:42:00.001-08:00

Do you dream that the world will know your name?
So tell me your name
And do you care about all the little things,
Or anything at all?

Do you believe in the day that you were born?
Tell me do you believe?
Do you know that every day's the first
Of the rest of your life?

This is to one last day in the shadows
And to know a brother's love
This is to New York City angels
And the rivers of our blood
This is to all of us, to all of us.
-Thriving Ivory, "Angels on the Moon"

some women are dripping with diamonds

2008-10-23T17:58:00.001-07:00

Today I felt like my students actually learned. I mean, we do stuff every day. We journal and read out loud and do vocabulary exercises and practice our grammar. We answer critical thinking questions and have discussions and take quizzes and study for tests. But today...

Today I gave a mini-lecture about the Great Depression and the Dust Bowl to set the backdrop for Of Mice and Men. And they were rapt with attention. They were fascinated. About the Dust Bowl! They wanted to know about the stock market and why it crashed and what did people do if they didn't have money. "Where did the farmers in Oklahoma go, Miss G?" they asked. "What did they do when they couldn't farm their land anymore because of the drought?"

"They moved to California, young scholars. They moved to California and California said, 'We don't want you either. We don't have any money to pay you.' So they were kind of screwed."

"But then what? What happened? Where did they live?"

I slapped a picture of a Hooverville up on the overhead.

"Whoah. People lived there?"

"Yep."

And in one class: "Isn't that what happened in The Grapes of Wrath?"

Breakthrough!

dancing in the moonlight

2008-10-15T18:04:00.000-07:00

I received an email today from an individual with a considerable amount of authority at my site that asked me to meet with one of our new teachers as often as possible to share teaching and behavior management strategies with her, because she is struggling considerably. This was in response to my request that no other students be transferred into my class from her class 8 weeks into the school year because they are coming to my class too far behind to be successful.

I would post the reply I wish I could have sent, but to be perfectly honest I am still too flabbergasted that she actually suggested this in the first place to even begin to form coherent thoughts.

My department chair wanted to know if the school was planning to pay me to teach our new teacher how to teach properly. Indeed.

cover me

2008-10-15T11:49:00.001-07:00

According to Glassbooth, I should be voting for Cynthia McKinney this November. Go Green Party!

Don't worry friends, I'm still 80% compatible with Obama and the Democrats will, as usual, be receiving my vote (and to be fair, McKinney used to be a member of the Democratic party).

The kids are benchmarking today. I'm getting so much done for once!

oh susanna

2008-10-12T19:17:00.000-07:00

This has been a pretty fabulous weekend, if I do say so myself (and I do!).

Yesterday AM I slept in, then walked up to a coffee shop, rocking out to my iPod in crazy blustery windy weather and planned for the next two weeks. Major breakthrough! I have really enjoyed having the time to really plan out what I will be doing in my classes far enough ahead of time that I don't feel like I'm running around like crazy at the last minute. Brian and I had lunch after his class and we headed out to ANOTHER coffee shop, where I made about a million worksheets (but it felt so good!). And then I cleaned out my closet, putting all my summery things in boxes and unpacking my sweaters and corduroy pants and fleecy PJs.

With my luck, it will be 90 degrees this week. Damn global warming.

This morning we started the Old Testament Challenge Part 2 at UCC with the book of Joshua. It was serious good times. Brian and I had a sweet talk on the drive home about the Old Testament and what I believe as far as, like, what the heck it all means. After some lunch, Brian and I did MORE grading/planning/worksheet making at Tupelo and then took a nap. Well, Brian took a nap. I may have done some more planning. I can't help it! Sometimes I just get so into what I'm going to be teaching that I just can't stop prepping! It's weird, I know.

And now, Brian is at Alpha at UCC. I have taken advantage of this glorious alone time by making a Carribean Chicken Stew and.... more worksheets. But really good ones!

wake me up

2008-10-12T15:31:00.000-07:00

A list of people I know who are currently pregnant or recently had a baby:

Tammy
Beth H
Sam
Katie S
Jenn
Molly
Megan
Katie G
Renee
Shannon
Angie
Virginia
Beth M
Erin
Ryan
Bronwyn
Joy
Maria

(To be fair, that last one is one of my students from last year...)

And I'm sure there are more.

The number of ultrasounds on my Facebook friends page is simply astounding.

This would all be OK if my students would just stop telling me that if I don't hurry up and get married/pregnant, I'm going to dry up soon.

I mean, really.

when the storm fades

2008-10-09T23:01:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is Friday and I haven't written any referrals this week. I don't want to jinx it but... that's good news. Today was actually pretty great. I handed out Academy awards (which made some kids super happy), gave some notes, read some short stories, lectured 5th period for a bit about how the best 9th grade teachers at our school were hand-selected just for them so they need to stop talking and give us the chance to do what we are good at doing, and revised a few Works Cited pages during passing periods. The persuasive essay is due on Monday, but little do my students know they are going to have to do a revision workshop in class and then have another few days to finish. I'm sneaky that way. Well really, I just can't stand reading papers that have so obviously not been edited. I am shamelessly offering extra credit to any student who has a Learning Center tutor read and edit their essay before the due date. We can discuss teaching ethics later, but if it means they don't wait until 10pm on Sunday night to begin their paper, I'll do whatever I need to do.

I think tomorrow we will finish our short stories and have a community circle day. I am behind in my grading, but can't really find it in myself to be too concerned about it.

im no superman

2008-10-07T19:48:00.000-07:00

I am tired. My students exhaust me. They are so needy this year. I am trying to stay positive, but it's really hard. Things had gotten better by this time last year. Wasn't this year supposed to be easier?

we are the sound

2008-09-29T18:47:00.001-07:00

singing for freedom

2008-09-26T17:00:00.000-07:00

I called a sub today, then slept in and drank coffee and planned for the next two weeks. I told my kids yesterday that I felt a strange, student-related illness coming on. One of my advanced students said, "I think that's called stress, Miss G."

Stress, indeed.

My job has been really hard lately and this week, for the first time since I started teaching, I actually didn't want to go to work. I realized yesterday afternoon though that I was allowing a select few students really ruin it for me, and that most of my kids are pretty awesome, even if they do drive me crazy and refuse to stop talking. Teaching in the Academy has been great because I have the support of three other teachers who are all having the same problems, but it also means we have a lot more meetings to deal with those problems and I feel like I am not getting enough prep/grading time most days.

It's frustrating, to say the least. Which is more critical - the management piece or the curriculum piece? Does the curriculum even matter if the management isn't there? Doesn't management kind of depend on keeping kids busy and thinking critically through well-planned curriculum? At the end of most days I feel like my head is about to explode.

And I'm still not getting enough sleep, but the main annoyance there is that I am too tired to go running when I get home and I'm feeling.... squishy.

This weather annoys me. 92 degrees? Still?

I am taking Brian to The Kitchen for his birthday next weekend. We're both really excited - me probably more than him because I've been dying to eat there for years. I think I'm also going to buy him a Carnivorous Desktop Plant Set. You know, because I can.

Brian and I have been talking about weddings lately, which actually does not terrify me for the first time in my entire life. I am rather taken with the idea of a late fall/early winter wedding, the colors evergreen, lavender, and shades of brown, the great outdoors and other rustic accents, a chuppa, a homemade cookie buffet, these seating "cards," and these invitations.

More to come - Brian and I are hitting the town tonight! (Mostly because this is the first Friday since school started that I haven't needed to take a nap)

the more i know you

2008-09-17T22:13:00.001-07:00

I wore a sweater today. It was delicious.

I'm not getting enough sleep.

feelings show

2008-09-13T11:40:00.001-07:00

Here's the update on high school goings-on this week. I'm getting a massage today...

To start, our freshman class this year is.... more trouble than usual. We seem to have a lot more gang-related activity than last year and behavior management (which I've never really struggled with) has been an issue for all of us in the Academy. We chalked this up to immature and squirel-y freshmen but... we were a little off.

On Tuesday afternoon, there was a gang-related shooting at Campbell Park. We stepped up security on Wednesday, especially after we received news of an assault at the continuation high school. On Thursday, there were two incidents during lunch that were quickly extinguished by our VPs and the heightened security on campus. Nonetheless, were concerned about the rally that we had scheduled for Friday.

On a completely un-gang-related note, two students were suspended (expulsion pending) for having a gun and brass knuckles on campus last week as well. So things have been feeling a little out of control lately.

On Friday morning, my students came into 1st period asking about the bomb threat. I told them that there had been no bomb threat, so settle down. Then they wanted to know if I knew about the hostage situation downtown. I didn't, but I quickly got on my computer to see if I could get some details. This was unrelated to our school, but still had the kids upset, and definitely added to the chaos later in the day.

During 1st period, I received an email that the rally we had scheduled for 4th period had been canceled because of rumors that "something" would be going down. It was probably nothing, but as a precautionary measure we postponed the rally to keep our kids safe. Half the school in the gym with limited means of escape if something were to actually happen? A bad idea.

My students were bummed and when second period came in we had a brief discussion about the events that had been going on in the community and whether they felt safe or not (they didn't, big surprise). Halfway through second period, it was announced over the PA system that we were going into a Code Yellow (precautionary) lock-down as a result of the hostage situation downtown. It was really because students had been texting each other that someone had a gun on campus (my students told me). Normally, we would have chalked that up to just rumors, but with everything that had been going on, we wanted to be safe.

About 45 minutes later, I received official word via email that there might indeed be a gun on campus. I had my Advanced kids and we played Sudoku and did crossword puzzles and ate Dum-Dums. I allowed them to call/text their parents because we were releasing students (escorted by security) to their parents if they came early to get them. About half of my kids ended up leaving early.

Meanwhile, the office pulled in and searched several students who they believed might be the main culprits, but found nothing except drugs (awesome). During this time, they also heard (through students again), that since we canceled the rally and were keeping the students in the buildings, there would be a drive-by after school. We decided to release the students early, building-by-building, starting at noon.

In the end, the remainder of my students got to go home around 12:30. I escorted them to the office, not allowing them to go to their lockers or any other parking lots, and monitored them to make sure they met up with their parents or walked down the block to their houses.

When we finally got all the kids off campus, we had a huge faculty meeting to debrief and, rightly so, be outraged. Our police officer liaison explained that there has been an increase in gang-related activity in the entire city because a large number of Nortenos who had been arrested several years ago have recently been paroled back into the community and they have been recruiting hard to increase their numbers. She also told us that, unless we started changing things soon, we were on our way to a school shooting.

The main problem we have is that it's almost impossible to expel students in our district. High expulsion numbers look bad so we put students on stipulated expulsions in which they are eventually allowed back onto campus if they behave. We also have teachers who get in the middle of fights, but don't know the names of the students who are fighting, so the kids don't get documented. We also have teachers who do not report students for dress code violations (color-related), because they are afraid of the repercussions from those students. I disagree with this wholeheartedly. First, the kids really don't care about the teachers and are not going to reciprocate if we send them to the office for wearing blue. Second, by letting them sit through a full day of classes out of dress code we are telling them that A) it's OK, we don't really care that much or B) they have more power than we do. And neither of those is true.

I have a lot of really strong feelings about what has been going on since school started, but mostly I'm angry that my students feel so unsafe that they can't learn and that I have been so busy policing these little 14-year-old boys who think they are hardcore that I haven't been able to focus on my teaching. I entertained the thought of quitting yesterday if I didn't see changed made at both the site and district level, but I think it's more important that I'm there and advocating for the 99% of my students who are kind, sweet, and hardworking.

But I can't make any promises for next year.

never too late

2008-09-04T06:39:00.000-07:00

I hate that when I look at the weather and see that it will be 95 degrees today, my first thought is, "Oh, that's not so bad."

I have been living in Northern California for way too long.

it's all mine

2008-08-25T23:09:00.001-07:00

I really should be asleep, but Brian and I went to Tupelo to grade for several hours and I'm cranked up on caffeine. C'est la vie. I'll pay for it by 5th period tomorrow.

Speaking of 5th period, I just emailed myself new "Operating Instructions" for my benchmark English 9 classes. They are as follows:

1. Raise your hand and wait to be called on.
2. Be quiet when it is time to be quiet.
3. Stay in your seat at all times.
4. No arguing.

Seems simple but... you'd be surprised. My classes are a handful this year, made more difficult by the loss of class-size reduction, so I have 35 fourteen-year-olds in class at one time. After lunch, no less. Joyous.

I'm in the process of grading my Advanced 9 summer assignments. It's taking forever because literally every single student did the assignment. Grading takes a lot longer when everyone does their homework. Funny how that works.

All in all, though, it's shaping up to be an eventful year. I like my students and having all three levels of 9th grade English is a fun challenge. I also feel more productive, more organized, and way more on top of my game than I did last year. It helps that having two blind students forces me to stay a week ahead in my lesson planning so I don't get stuck without a worksheet in Braille at the last minute, although I've been spending too long after school getting things ready for the Braillists this week. I need to remedy that soon.

Also, I'm all moved into the new house in Sacramento, so now I have a new neighborhood to learn and a sunny yellow bedroom to organize.

Pictures forthcoming!

say it again

2008-08-15T13:10:00.000-07:00

I am fascinated by Michael Phelps, now the most decorated Olympian of all time. But who isn't, really? While watching him swim last night, I decided to do a little research...

Phelps is 6'4", but has a 6'7" arm span
His hands are the size of dinner plates
His ankles, knees, shoulders, and elbows are double-jointed
His size-14 feet are so flexible, he can lay flat on his back, arch his feet and curl his toes to touch the ground
His legs are the length of a 6'-tall man, but his torso is the length of a man who is 6'8"
He can burn up to 4,000 calories in a single workout
His heart pumps 8 gallons of blood a minute - twice that of a normal 23-year-old man
He swims nearly 50 miles a week during peak training phases
He consumes nearly 4,000 calories per meal. And he doesn't cook. Ever.

According to the New York Post:

For breakfast, Phelps eats three fried-egg sandwiches loaded with cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, fried onions and mayonnaise, two cups of coffee, a five-egg omelet, a bowl of grits, three slices of French toast topped with powdered sugar and three chocolate-chip pancakes.
For lunch, a pound of enriched pasta and two large ham and cheese sandwiches slathered with mayo on white bread and about 1,000 calories worth of energy drinks.
Finally, for dinner Phelps can put away another pound of pasta, a whole pizza, and another 1,000 calories in energy drinks.

and i step to the edge

2008-07-31T17:52:00.000-07:00

I have been waiting and waiting for someone, ANYONE, to say that the new iPhone is horribly overrated and to not spend my hard earned money on one but... That just does not seem to be the case. I drooled over Stephanie's when she bought hers, I drool over Kyle's every time he pulls it out during a meeting, I got jealous when Ben told me that he got one for his birthday, and then last night Bethany shows up to youth group with a shiny new 16G white iPhone and I nearly cried.

I want to believe that I am above the iPhone. That I am not that materialistic and that my Nokia 6126 works just fine (it's only 7 months old!). But to be perfectly honest, I would give just about anything for an iPhone.

And what makes it worse is that I can afford it. I can totally afford it. There is nothing stopping me from making this purchase except the inevitable shame I will feel for succumbing to such a ridiculous piece of technology.

nothing can keep us apart

2008-07-27T18:55:00.001-07:00

I know I've been seriously absent these last several weeks and I have no excuse other than I have been thoroughly enjoying reading books, lounging in the sun, and spending time with the people I love. Oh yeah, and going to weddings.

Brian and I are leaving in one week for a whirlwind tour of the west coast, starting in Davis, cruising down to Santa Cruz, and then heading all the way up to Oregon for the Shakespeare Festival and finally ending up in Medford for wine tasting before coming back to Sacramento to start teaching. I can't believe this summer is almost over! But I am also really looking forward to the coming school year, my new house in Sacramento, and not being a full-time or even part-time student!

Until I decide to post again, keep my dear friend Tammy, her husband Frank, and their brand new baby in your thoughts and prayers. Baby Sam was born 2 1/2 months early about a week and a half ago and, if the blog they are keeping to document his progress is any indication, he is a serious little fighter. Keep it up, Wartas! I love you all very much!

my latest obsession

2008-07-08T06:38:00.000-07:00

2008-06-30T11:48:00.001-07:00

I've been working on a personification of jealousy for my writing class. Here's my sencond (third?) draft:

Jealousy and I first met in high school. She sat in front of me in fourth period Chemistry, her long perfectly blonde ponytail snaking down her back. Jealousy borrowed a pencil from my boyfriend and returned it at the end of the period with a sweet smile accompanied by a whiff of perfume. It suddenly became impossible to avoid her. She has stayed with me ever since that day - sometimes leading, sometimes following, but always close at hand.

Jealousy is fickle; a best friend on Thursday and a mortal enemy by the weekend. Her mood swings are unpredictable and volatile. It takes little to provoke her and much to calm her down. In the early stages of our relationship we would not speak for months only to become inseparable shortly thereafter. While green is the color most often associated with Jealousy, I know her as red - rash and aggresive.

Jealousy works at the coffee shop on the corner. The lattes she make have a distinctly bitter aftertaste, but for inexplicable reasons she remains the most popular barista there. She has also been known to frequent the park a block from work, the gym, the post office. She moonlights as a waitress at my favorite restaurant and I swear I saw her just last Tuesday in the lobby of my apartment building. She was wearing the same dress I wore out last weekend, but looked better in it.

Jealousy collects my sharpest memories and reveals them like treasures at parties and family gatherings, reveling in my discomfort. Jealousy loves to be the center of attention. She tends to repeat anecdotes that have the greatest impact, sometimes even years after the original hurt has passed. Opening up old wounds is her favorite parlour trick.

I've known her for years but I still don't know how to deal with Jealousy. I dread confronting her because she loves to argue, but if I try to ignore her, to push her to the back of my mind... well that's where all her strength comes from in the first place.

i wanna be where you are

2008-06-27T20:50:00.001-07:00

Here's a brief blogging update while I pass the time before picking Brian up from the airport.

This week has been lazy (not that I'm complaining). I've passed the time with my writing class, cleaning my apartment, and doing yoga. It's been nice. My writing class has ended up being a pretty great experience. I thought I would spend the two weeks working on a few pieces that have sat unfinished on my computer since before I started my MA, but instead I've been playing with some new work and it's just been really fun. I've also never had other writers read and critique my work before and so while I was a little unnerving at first, it has been really helpful. I'm looking forward to next week and will be sad when it's over!

In addition to reconnecting with my writing, I've decided to get back into my music and theatre interests as well. Yesterday I had an audition at UCC and it looks like I'm the newest member of their contemporary service worship team, which is pretty fun. I also have a few auditions for musicals lined up in July and I think I'm going to start giving voice lessons to a few junior high girls in Davis. Fun stuff!

As promised, some pictures from Saturday's festivities with sorority girls:

Me, Aubrey, and Rach at Crepeville.

Something was funny...

I love these girls!

And I miss my big sis, but am so excited that she finally gets to move to NYC!

Later, I headed out to Annie's bridal shower, only to meet up with more ADX girls.

This picture took several takes, and unfortunately one of us looks bad in each one!

Stephanie and I recreated tender moments from the past.

And I made a new, 7-week-old friend. Don't tell Brian's mom, but I fell in love with him the moment I saw him and had a hard time giving him back to his mommy!

If you're a Davis-ite, come to UCC this Sunday to hear me sing! (and learn about Jesus too, of course.)

i wont hesitate

2008-06-24T23:32:00.001-07:00

I will blog, I promise.

viva la vida

2008-06-22T13:21:00.000-07:00

I have lots to do today, but I'm just so tired. So instead, I blog. It's about time, really. This is gonna be a long one, but complete with pictures!

We left Sacramento at 4pm on Saturday afternoon. Our flight was delayed because of mechanical issues (that didn't make me nervous or anything...) and we missed our connecting flight in Phoenix so... impromptu Phoenix vacation! Unfortunately, my camera was in my suitcase which was who knows where between Arizona and Colorado, so no pictures exist of our thrilling evening at the Clarion and the delicious dinner at On the Border that followed. We finally caught a flight out of Phoenix at 8:45 on Sunday morning and rented a car in Colorado, finally arriving at UCCS around noon. We had hoped to get Brian's computer checked in and then go to the zoo, but it turned out that he had to install Autodesk Inventor which takes like a billion hours, so I investigated Old Colorado City and Downtown Colorado Springs by myself until around 4. I then picked Brian up from the university and we went hiking in Garden of the Gods.
The next day it rained, so I lounged around and read a lot. We drove out to Seven Falls that evening and paid a lot of money to climb up a bunch of steps. It was too late to hike past the falls, which was a bummer, but the view from the falls was really pretty.

The view clearly inspired some romance...
Bridal Veil Falls was my favorite,
But leave it to Brian to be goofy:On Tuesday, I woke up early, slathered on the sunscreen, charged my digital camera, bought coffee, and headed out to the zoo!

I was excited, OK?

The giraffes were first (and really, my primary motivation for flying all the way to Colorado. I mean, besides Brian, of course):
I got to feed them - I was fascinated with their tongues:
There are about a million more pictures here. By the way, if you are as enamored with giraffes as I am, the zoo has a Live Giraffe Cam. Sweet! You can also adopt one! Awesome!

After I had my zoo fill, I drove to the top of Cheyenne Mountain to the Will Rogers Shrine of the Sun.

It was a GORGEOUS clear day, so the view of Colorado Springs from 8000 feet was pretty impressive. Little did I know that I would end up at a much higher elevation later in the week.

Brian and I did a longer hike in Garden of the Gods on another evening and maybe got a little lost... but I took the opportunity to take this sweet picture of my hot mountain man boyfriend:
Oh yeah, and the park is really pretty too:
As our week drew to a close, I decided to drive to the top of Pike's Peak (but not in a covered wagon).It took nearly an hour to drive the 19 miles to the top (14,110 feet!), but it was totally worth it. It was even snowing when I arrived at the summit! I stayed for a few minutes, took a few pictures, considered buying donuts (apparently they are world famous?), and then started the trek back down the mountain.

After I left the Pike National Forest, I stopped to take this picture of the Ute Pass:

It's now Highway 24, but historically the Ute Pass began as a bison trail that connected the prairie with the mountain meadows and then became a wagon road and in 1888 the Colorado Midland Railway put in tracks to service the mining operations in mountains to the west. And I drove on it!

For reasons completely unbeknownst to me, we flew home on a red eye on Friday night. No pictures exist of that glorious occasion, but I'll give you an idea of how I felt about it:
Yep. It was awesome. We found ourselves home in Sacramento at the delightful hour of 3am and then woke up at 7:45 for breakfast with Brian's parents and sister, just returning from their road trip through Oregon. A superbly long day followed, including sorority reunions, bridal showers, bathing suit shopping, gazpacho, and fighting with my apartment AC, but those are all stories that will wait for another day (hopefully when I have pictures).

Harry Potter news!

2008-06-11T10:32:00.000-07:00

An 800 word prequel to the Harry Potter series, handwritten and signed by JK Rowling, sold for £25,000 last night at a charity auction at Waterstone's Piccadilly to benefit English PEN and Dyslexia Action. The prequel is set 3 years before Harry's birth and you can read it online here!

hold me down

2008-06-10T14:02:00.000-07:00

While we would all like to earn more money, I think good teachers tend to be less motivated by financial incentives than people who go into most other professions. Someone who becomes an insurance agent, for example, probably has making a lot of money as an important goal. People who want to be good teachers don't think that way. They go into teaching because they want to work with kids and do something worthwhile. Quite frankly, the teachers I've known who have been most interested in higher salaries usually haven't been very good teachers. Some of them end up going into administration. -From the Trenches of Public Ed.

Interesting...

2008-06-09T15:38:00.001-07:00

HA! I'm glad school is over for a while :)

www.chalkboardmanifesto.com

bottle it up

2008-06-07T21:32:00.000-07:00

I just browsed through the last 6 months or so of this blog and I am sorely ashamed. I have been a very bad blogger. There were so many things I promised myself I would write about and... nothing! I neglected to talk about Brian, my awesome Odyssey unit, camping in Big Sur, getting rehired for next year and my incredible new teaching assignment, and many other fantastic things! Instead, I just talked about how tired I was and how I get strange emails at work and while theses are both very true facts there is far more to my life than just exhaustion and electronic correspondence! And where are all the pictures??

I would promise to be better but... you know me.

sweet and low

2008-06-06T10:19:00.000-07:00

From reading teacher blogs from around the country, I know that American students everywhere are anxious and squirrelly as the school year draws to an end. My district might do several things wrong, but I will say that whoever decided to end school on June 3rd deserves a big fat bonus. May 29 was the last day of instruction and (the majority of) my students worked hard right up until that last day and they did (relatively) well on their finals. Sure, it means starting in the middle of August, but not having to deal with kids once the calendar hits June is definitely a blessing!

This is the first summer since I turned 13 that I am not working and it is amazing. I have so many fun trips and activities planned for the summer that I know it is going to just fly by, but I am looking forward to visiting some new places and spending time with good people. Here is my summer run-down:

June 7-14: House sitting in Woodland. I am anticipating lots of reading, running with the dogs, and working out. Woot! Also, I am offering Nick cooking lessons in exchange for guitar lessons. Sneaky, I know.
June 14-20: Colorado Springs with Brian. He will be attending an Engineering Conference while I hike, mountain bike, and feed the giraffes at the Cheyenne Mountain Zoo!
June 23-July 3: Area 3 Writing Project Summer Writing Workshop for Teachers. My district is paying for me to take this awesome class where all I have to do is write and revise my own writing for two weeks. Hooray!
July 4-6: Lindy doesn't know it yet, but we are going to have a fabulous girls' weekend, hopefully complete with wine, pedicures, and sunbathing :)
July 7-11: AVID Summer Institute with Scott, Katie, and Riki. Fabulous! I am actually getting paid to hang out with my favorite colleagues and learn how to teacher better!
July 11-18: Maui with the parents. Gotta love a week of free pool-side lounging!
July 19: Annie and Colby's wedding in Clarksburg!
July 20-25: I haven't decided if I'm going yet, but the district is offering to pay for me to attend a 40-hour training for HOLT materials which will not only train me on how to make my teaching more accessible to all students, but might actually give me enough professional development hours to bump me up another step on the pay scale!
July 26: Jessica and Robbie's wedding in Newcastle!
August 7-9: Oregon Shakespeare Festival with Brian in Ashland! 3 plays in 3 days!

And then school starts on August 20! It looks busy, but it's probably better that way. Without any structure to my 2.5 months off, I am in danger of sleeping until noon every day, drinking nothing but coffee, getting sunburned on a daily basis, and shopping too much (not that any of those are horrible things)!

2008-05-29T15:17:00.000-07:00

Hooray! Today was the last day of instruction and I am totally caught up on all my grades so all I have left to do is enter final grades as they come in and then I am free!

Part of me cannot believe that I made it through this year in one piece and another part of me knows that I worked my tail off and deserve every moment of glorious summer that is coming to me.

i just can't breath

2008-05-20T23:05:00.000-07:00

So, aside from the physical (and mental) exhaustion, the soul-crushing allergies, the heat wave of death, and my MIA roommate, I'm so freaking happy I could just about cry. It's almost summer and my break is looking like a fabulous one indeed complete with a Colorado vacay (I'm determined to feed some giraffes...), writing classes at UCD, AVID training with Riki and Katie and Scott, Maui with the parents, and an Shakespearean adventure in Ashland with Brian. That and: no work, lots of exercise, plenty of new books, some guitar playing, and copious Yogurt Shack trips as well.

Again: so freaking happy I could just about cry.

take your steps away from me

2008-05-13T14:01:00.000-07:00

And sometimes I get weird emails...

Megan,
First year is now over for BTSA. You seem like a wonderful teacher and we are lucky to have you in the District! By the way, I was raised a bit different than many by a wonderful grandfather, but I must pay a compliment when they are due. You are a beautiful woman!!! My grandfather is a smooozer! Please don't think of me weird, just a compliment to you!

The good news is that BTSA is over and there are only 11 days of class left!

you're big i'm little

2008-05-06T20:40:00.000-07:00

1) What was I doing 10 years ago?

Graduating from junior high school and making the "big decision:" high school soccer or basketball? Yikes!

2) What are five things on my to-do list for today (not in any particular order):

Well, today is basically over, but my non-teaching to-do list for tomorrow includes:

1. Dinner with Erica

2. Read Markus Zuzak's The Book Theif

3. Buy bananas

4. Celebrate with Brian because he got a job today at the California Aerospace Academy!

5. A run. Maybe?

3) Snacks I enjoy:

Yogurt. Apples. Dark chocolate.

4) Things I would do if I were a billionaire:

Continue teaching. But for free :)

5) Three of my bad habits:

1. I still bite my nails when I'm nervous

2. I don't pay attention to people's names when I first meet them so I forget them almost immediately. For example, I cannot, for the life of me, remember Brian's mom's name, but I'm too embarassed to ask him what it is because I've met her and I should know these things.

3. I hate cleaning my bathroom.

6) Five places I have lived:

Milpitas, CA

Los Altos, CA

Davis, CA

London, UK

Speculator, NY

7) Five jobs I have had:

Meat department person for my dad

Receptionist at a mortuary (no joke)

Youth Program Assistant Director at COTW

Curriculum Development Assistant at the Mondavi Center

Teacher (my favorite!)

8) Six peeps I wanna know more about:

Peeps? Like the kind they sell around Easter that you can make explode in the microwave?

its now or never

2008-04-25T00:27:00.000-07:00

I keep saying I have tons more to write about but that it will have to wait and then I never get around to it. Ergo, here I am at 12:30 in the AM after baking nearly 10 dozen chocolate chip cookies for my students, exhausted and all allergy-y, and realizing that I still have tons to say, but no time to say it in because I desperately need sleep tonight.

I'll boil it down to this: My life has finally stabilized. And not stabilized in the sense that for the last two years everything has been really up in the air and it has all finally settled down with the completion of graduate school, but stabilized in the sense that life has finally settled down, period. For the first time I feel like I have actually arrived at something that might actually resemble my future. I received a stellar education, have a fantastic job, am dating the most incredible man in the world, and I'm happy.

And again, not happy in the sense of like, yay I have a job and a boyfriend, but happy in the sense that I am doing what I love and what I want to do for my whole life and have found the person that I want to spend that whole life with. For serious.

My life has always just felt like getting over one hurdle after another, always anticipating what was coming next and knowing that something else was always coming next. I finished high school and looked ahead to college. I finished college and looked ahead to student teaching, I finished student teaching and looked ahead to graduate school. And now I'm done with graduate school and I have a career. Like, this isn't going to change in a year because I'm moving or because I'm graduating or because I get into university. I'm a teacher. It's my job and I love it and I'm not leaving.

I'm still not quite used to it. I still feel a little bit like a kid, or at least an undergrad. But I'm 24. 24! I have my own health insurance and I pay my own rent and when my car breaks down, well crap, I have to take care of it. But it's life now. My life. Not the life I live with the generous aid of my parents. Not the life I live while I'm figuring out what to do with my future. My own, real life. And it's good.

Sometimes I wonder what I did to deserve it all, but I figure I'd better not push my luck.

all i ever had

2008-04-22T09:28:00.000-07:00

I sometimes get nervous when I see an email from a parent, but this one made my morning:

Good Morning Miss Garcia,

I just wanted to give you some feed back on your assignments for Romeo and Juliet. I thought they were great, I felt like Brian was really involved and interested with the Myspace assigment and also the CD. Of course if it has anything to do with MySpace and Music he is all for it. I have also spoken to other parents and they feel the same way. It was a great way to keep these kids involved and them wanting to do their homework. I can't speak for all of them , but Brian really enjoyed his projects. Just wanted to say Thank You and keep up the good work in supporting our children with their education.

put in the time

2008-04-04T10:51:00.000-07:00

I am alone in my classroom on my prep. The speech class that normally meets here is in the theatre today and having this hour to myself is like a tiny piece of heaven. Seriously.

Today is the last day of school before spring break. It is finally here! All of my classes (except for EL) are watching "Ferris Beuller's Day Off" (ha!) so I can catch up on grading before leaving for LA. I am so excited for this spring break and can't wait to spend time with my uncle and see Stephanie and Kevin and read the stack of books that I have been accumulating ever since buying my plane tickets.

Yesterday I attended an IEP meeting for a particularly difficult case. The student himself is very well-behaved and works hard in my class, but his learning difficulties are great and I know it's a struggle for him. I recieved this email from his mom today (student name has been changed, of course):

Hello Megan I wanted to make sure to send you a quick note prior to you’re
leaving on break. In preparing for the IEP meeting, Chris and I talked
about the questions the team would ask us. When I asked him what was his
favorite class I was surprised for him to say English. I would have guessed PE
or ART (smiles). Chris has never liked to read or write and I am so pleased to
hear he is reading aloud in class. Kudos to you, on making your class
enjoyable as well as a great learning environment for the students. Chris
and I also discussed he has learned more this year than the previous two or
three years in your class. Going to school to get your masters and keeping
up with all of your classes I know is very challenging and I wanted you to know
that I truly appreciate your efforts and support.

After being sexually harrassed by a different student yesterday (a story that will have to wait for another day because I'm still too upset to really discuss it), that was a nice note to get. It's important to be reminded why I love my job so much, especially as we near the end of the year.

This afternoon I'm getting my hair cut (yay!) and then attending the cast party for the children's musical (aww). Then tomorrow I'm meeting Brian's parents for lunch (yikes!) and then flying to LA (hooray!). Lots of exciting things ahead, including my 24th birthday in a mere 15 days!

cause you asked for it

2008-03-22T14:19:00.000-07:00

Whoohoo!

As of 10:20am on March 22, 2008:

What a long, strange journey this has been.

Days until Spring Break: 14
Days until my 24th birthday: 28

you could get lost in a night like this

2008-03-19T17:49:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I was observed by my principle. The lesson went really well, the kids were engaged and acted appropriately (always a concern), and she seemed to really enjoy what I did. As the class filed out, she stayed for a few minutes to finish her notes and one of my seniors came in for second period. Upon seeing the principle, she looked alarmed at first, then sat down next to her and said, "Miss Garcia is a great teacher!"

I almost fell over, I laughed so hard. Completely unprompted! Thanks, Dalia. :)

Then, after school, Francisco came into my room to pick up his skateboard like he does every day. As he was leaving with his friend he says:

"Oh, Miss G. I forgot to ask you - how was your soccer game last night?"

"It was alright," I told him. "We played pretty well, but just totally fell apart in the last three minutes and ended up losing-"

"Miss G doesn't play soccer," his friend (who is not one of my students) interrupted.

"Yes she does!" Francisco insisted.

"NO way."

"Dude, she totally does! She plays every Monday night. She even played in high school, right Miss G?"

"That is correct."

"Really?"

"Dude, yeah. Miss G is a savage. She's like the coolest English teacher here."

I love my job. Love, love, love it.

better put 'em in quotations

2008-03-12T12:34:00.000-07:00

I am in editing hell. Revising and formatting the MA so that all my pages (160, at last count) and charts and tables (well over 100, but as yet not fully counted) are all in the correct order is, arguably, harder than actually writing the damn thing. If I'd known this was going to be such a chore, I would have taken a day off this week to focus on it. Instead, I must forgo my runs this week (with the weather so beautiful, too!) and force myself to format, format, format every day after school. Boo.

Brian informs me that I probably could have paid someone to do this for me, but where's the sense of fulfillment and accomplishment in that, really?

In other news, Romeo & Juliet is going swimmingly with my freshmen (better than last year - practice makes perfect!) and there is, apparently, an "unplanned" Senior Ditch Day on Friday, so I may get an extra free period. And this weekend is my last graduate class, as well as the Children's Musical Performance and Nick's fire academy fundraiser. Joy!

these last three years

2008-03-03T12:19:00.000-08:00

Countdowns to usher in March:

Days until my MA Exit Interview: 19
Days until Spring Break: 34
Days until my birthday: 48

We were told to put a big X through February so that we could adequately focus on our thesis and to tell our friends and fmaily that we would see them again in March. Well, March has arrived and with it the beautiful weather and all sorts of free time that I can't remember having since March of 2006. Maybe I can finally focus on me again. That would be a nice change. I feel like I've climbed Everest. Or given birth. Or lived through a tsunami. Or something.

i'm going your way

2008-03-01T18:19:00.000-08:00

Today was Symposium Day! I thought that maybe I would wake up super early and freak out all morning until it was time to go in for my presentation but instead:

1. Slept in until 10. Glorious!
2. Had coffee with Brian at Peet's and sat in the beautiful sunshine and watched puppies and talked about going camping and did not once mention my thesis
3. Photocopied my handouts and cruised onto campus 10 minutes early.
4. Presented like a pro and now I'm done!

The really, really, really cool thing is something that Steve told me when I was done with my presentation. Let me preface this by saying that I was really scared of presenting for Steve because I never had him as a professor and I have heard that he is really tough on MA candidates. Plus, Steve is like a master teacher researcher. He has done tons of his own research, he reviews research literature, and is the School of Ed's PhD. chair. When you need research, you call Steve and he's your best friend. When you present with inadequate research, Steve becomes your worst enemy.

He frightens me and I was scared he would say my research was crap.

Instead, he told me that it was a pleasure to get to know me and my work and that he thought it was so great that, get this, I had done something with vocabulary research that he had never seen before!

There's tons more, but for now... Celebrate!

i don't think you do

2008-02-29T12:54:00.000-08:00

Symposium is tomorrow! Cue Megan's inevitable freakout.

Tonight I will play Scrabble and make Brian watch Luhrman's Romeo + Juliet with me (so I can plan, of course...) and I will not, not, not think about research.

The End.

youve got that look in your eye

2008-02-26T18:20:00.001-08:00

Stream of consciousness during 4th period:

There are only 4 days until Symposium and I am totally freaking out, even though Brian has promised that we will spend this evening working, grading, and planning since he is equally freaking out about, well, just teaching in general. I am trying to assure him that he is a fantastic teacher, but my assurance-ability seems to be a little wonky since I need so much assurance myself that I am going to do well this weekend at Symposium. Dear God, please just let this program be over!

I haven't talked about Brian at all because it's sort of a delicate subject and I'm not 100% sure how to even start talking about it, but it will just have to wait until later because my ELs are almost finished with SSR (I may or may not have let them read for an extra 10 minutes today. Shhh) and I actually have to teach something to them before lunch.

Despite all the freaking out, I could not be happier about sunny weather and red patent flats and skirts (even though my shins are still badly bruised from last Monday's game). I am trying to remind myself that, compared to actually writing my thesis, Symposium is not that big of a deal. But because it represents closure and I so desperately need closure on this whole experience it is still making me really nervous. I must finish my slides tonight. Why have I put this off until today? Gah!

cause im holding my breath

2008-02-19T11:13:00.001-08:00

Oh man, I am so exhausted. I'm eating chocolate covered espresso beans like I'm getting paid to do it, which means I'll probably be sick by 6th period but... it's just that kind of morning.

I am bruised and battered from last night's soccer game and limping around on a twisted ankle. BTSA is tonight (blech) and I am already busy every evening this week. I'm getting more tired just thinking about it. Hopefully this weekend will consist of going back to the Bay, finishing my research presentation, and a visit to the MOMA. There is a new exhibit that I've been really wanting to see, and it will be a nice break from all the work I've been doing.

I have some revisions left to complete for the thesis, but by and large I'm done and that's a beautiful feeling. I sort of have all this time now to do things like cook, work out, grade papers, go on dates, and prep for my classes. It's amazing how much less anxiety I feel now that all the major writing is out of the way. I can't really believe that I've done it, that I've spent the last six months working on 150 pages of research and now I'm done and will be given a Master's degree. I still have a difficult time believing that they let me graduate from college, let alone have my own classroom and now get a graduate degree. Am I really an adult now? Is that what all this means? Do they know who they are dealing with here? Yikes.

And holy crap, I just got an email from Elk Grove asking for an interview for the upcoming school year. I repeat: Holy. Crap.

Quote o' the Day: "I can't decide what color your eyes are. They're like... green, and blue, and brown. Kind of like looking at the Earth. Ha! Bet you've never heard that one before."

don't talk too fast to me

2008-02-19T10:23:00.000-08:00

True that.

And oh, I am smitten. This is getting ridiculous.

The official birthday countdown begins today! 60 days until I'm 24. Holy crap!

when i'm surrounded

2008-02-12T22:55:00.000-08:00

It's still up for revision, but here is my thesis reflection as it stands this evening:

About halfway through this arduous year, I began to wonder what exactly I had gotten myself into. Between EL curriculum piloting, BTSA, lesson-planning, and adjusting to their first classroom, what self-respecting first-year high school teacher decides to conduct teacher research and write a thesis anyway? I used the excuse, “But I like research” whenever anyone asked why I decided to continue into this final year of graduate study, but let’s be honest – that was a bold-faced lie, or at least it was at first. I made it through four years of undergraduate work with what was inside my head, and that alone. I prided myself on being able to think critically and not rely on anyone else’s ideas to inform my academic decision-making. This experience, however, has taught me that I must inform my teaching with the findings of expert practitioners, that everything I have done this year has been supported by research that other people have done – we do not teach in isolation and it would be foolish to try to do so.

I have lived and breathed this research for the past six months and I’m sure my family and friends will be glad to see me finish. They will be proud of me, yes, but they will also be glad to have me back. As a goal-oriented individual, I have lost sleep and a bit of myself in the completion of this thesis. I simply could not let it rest until it was done. Vocabulary squares littered the backseat of my car just as much as the importance of cognates for non-native speakers littered my conversations with everyone from my roommate to my little brother to the barista who makes my latte at Peet’s every Friday morning. I lamented that I had forgotten who I was and what I loved in the wake of this research until I realized that this is who I am and what I love. I have become close to my research because it is meaningful to me and it helps me remember why I became a teacher in the first place.

I love English, but I love my students more and it hurt me to see them struggling. My closeness to my research was borne out of a deeply rooted desire to see my ninth graders succeed in something they thought was impossible. I am proud of myself for making it through this year, but I am even more proud of my students who began making connections to words they had heard in other classrooms and in other languages and who learned how to construct truly meaningful sentences out of words that at first made them say, “This sucks, Miss G!”

I learned that I can do this, whatever “this” might be. For the first time, school was actually hard for me, and I made it through with relatively little incident. Amazingly, this has been the hardest section of the paper to write. How do I conclude a year of academic research? What should my final thought be? I am more exhausted than I was a year ago, but I am also more experienced, more informed, and more ready for whatever comes next. I’ll go against every fiber of teacher-researcher in me when I say that I suppose it’s not necessarily about the outcome at all, but everything that happens along the way.

just like any other

2008-02-12T19:12:00.000-08:00

This is just so, so, so appropriate because at 5pm today I finished my thesis! Rejoice!

where those years have gone

2008-02-05T15:25:00.000-08:00

hearts all over the world

2008-01-29T10:18:00.000-08:00

I have started reading Tolstoy's Ana Karenina by email with DailyLit. It's going to take me 430 days, but I think that might be the only way to get through the beast. DailyLit is actually a great way to read literary classics, if you don't mind dragging it out a bit, and they have a ton of books available (the classics are free, but I think you have to pay for more recent publications). I think I might start Flaubert's Madame Bovary as well. I think my only problem is that I want to read more than 20 minutes of a novel a day... We'll see how this goes.

I found a great article this morning about Georgia schools paying their students to study so I've been asking my students to read it and journal about it and we've been having the best discussions. They actually are critical thinkers, they just only want to think critically about certain things! Sometimes that's hard for me to remember when I read some of their superficial, shallow, mindless writing. Today has been a nice break from the norm. We'll see how sixth period does.

I realized yesterday how much better my classes (sixth period especially) are doing. I gave out my first referral of second semester yesterday during sixth to a student that just transferred into my class. As his behavior was ramping up, leading to the referral, the other students started shooting him looks and whispering "Stop. You need to stop. She'll kick you out. You have to be good in this class."

It's not that my students are afraid of me, I think, it's just that I have made my expectations clear for their work and their behavior and they know there are clear and consistent consequences for their actions. My new students don't know that yet and are pushing my limits to see how much I'll tolerate (not much, as they will soon learn). The best part of it all is that I don't even have to tell them to stop - the other students do it for me! They don't like to see me upset anymore than I like getting upset.

Teaching has gotten easier and easier this year and I feel really confident about myself as an educator and a role model for my students. One of my EL's is writing his firsthand biographical essay about me, and was trying to describe why I'm not like other teachers in his broken English. I think what he finally concluded was that I'm "different" because I "sit on the tables" (don't tell the administration!) and I talk to them about what they did over the weekend and what TV shows they watch and, basically, treat them like real people.

My biggest problem with working in a big school, incidentally, is that I don't feel like the students are treated like real people - they're numbers. It doesn't help that we're in Program Improvement and in danger of getting some funding cut. I don't want my kids to be successful so my numbers look good - I just don't care about that. I want them to do well because they're learning and because they are getting excited about something and... I just don't feel like that is highly valued because that takes time and the numbers can't wait for the time I need to accomplish that kind of success with a lot of my students.

I have a "date" tomorrow night which is pretty exciting. It feels nice to have something other than finishing my thesis to look forward to. :)

feel it capsize

2008-01-28T22:36:00.000-08:00

I'm wide awake and so alive
Ringing like a bell
Tell me this is paradise
And not someplace I fell
'Cause I keep on fallin' down

Just push me 'til I have to fly
I've shed my skin, my scars
Take me deep out past the lights
Where nothing dims these stars
Nothing dims these stars

I wanna let go and know
That I'll be alright, alright

this earthquake weather

2008-01-24T21:27:00.000-08:00

OK, things are getting ridiculous. All of my friends' newest Facebook updates (See Megan. See Megan work on her thesis. See Megan get distracted by online networking. See Megan disgusted with herself...) are pictures of their babies.

Babies!

Although with as often as I talk about my thesis, I might as well take pictures of that and post it on my Facebook. I guess it's sort of taken on a life of its own at this point... I kind of feel like I'm in labor. A long, painful, 20-week long labor.

back to your heart

2008-01-20T09:34:00.000-08:00

More thesis updates. After sitting in class yesterday, naseous for three straight hours, I packed up my things and drove to my parents' house. I will get my outcome data analysis done today. I will. Tomorrow night I have a soccer game at Off the Wall and I still need to lesson plan for this week, but right now I resolve to focus only on writing.

Last night my mom made me watch The Notebook with her and I almost vomitted from the sappiness. Is the book just as ridiculous and predictable? And I wonder, Is it that I don't believe in love like that period or I just don't believe it will happen to me? It made me feel terribly depressed and wonderfully self-sufficient at the same time. Whatever the case, I started rereading The Time Traveller's Wife (for the 4th? 5th? 63rd time?) last night, which is far more my style anyhow. It helps me believe that supremely disfunctional people are destined for great things and great love and it also makes me want to quit my job and move to Chicago and become a librarian at the Newberry.

No matter. Data triangulation, ahoy!

this will pass like yesterday

2008-01-13T13:24:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I told myself, "I will write for three hours today!" but instead I went to Ikea and bought a bookcase and went grocery shopping and cleaned my bathroom and did laundry and cooked butternut squash deliciousness.

Today I told myself, "I will come home from church and do my writing and make graphs!" but all I've accomplished so far is assembling the bookcase from yesterday and writing this blog.

Gah! Let it be March already!

made for each other

2008-01-03T19:24:00.000-08:00

I don't make New Years' Resolutions, but this works for me:

"Our lives are nothing but the stories we tell ourselves. If you don't like the story your life has become -- tell yourself a better one."
-Millionaire Mommy Next Door

make me sing

2007-12-30T22:11:00.000-08:00

Tonight I broke down into ridiculous, snot-nosed, air-gulping sobs while driving on 237. The cause of my emotional meltdown? My cell phone, which has not had service since I landed in Texas last Wednesday...

Clearly, I've got some issues I need to work through that run a little deeper than hand held electronics. Sheesh.

face the truth

2007-12-30T16:36:00.001-08:00

Back from Oklahoma, with lots of musings about the word unmoored and a general feeling of anxiety as 2007 draws to a rapid close and we zoom in on 2008. But none of that now. Just this:

All the future seems unclear
never moving never near
but You hold me as I scream
wake me from my wicked dream
something out there waits for me
hand in hand we wait for it
but I'm still nothing next to You
I'm still nothing without to You

And the wonder of it all is I'm still standing
And the wonder of it all is we're still standing
Never planned it
And I wonder where I'll be next year
-Monday Morning, Wonder of it All

not forgotten

2007-12-25T21:58:00.000-08:00

These last few months have been, without a doubt, a very painful dry spell in terms of my faith. It has been difficult for me to focus on the Lord, to put my faith and trust in Him, when everything around me feels like it's spinning so madly out of control and when I feel so hurtfully neglected and left behind.

I know better, cognitively, than to plead "Where are you, God?" because God never deserts us or turns His back on us. I know that sometimes God chooses to fall silent for reasons that we do not understand. I also know that it is us, His children, that forget to acknowledge Him or become so wrapped up in our own lives that we cannot possibly fathom that we are not the authors of our own story, that this life is not our own, and that God has a plan for us. In my head, I know these things. These are the basics I grew up in, the anchors of my faith, the very truths in which I have found solace for many years.

In my heart though, the wounds of the last 12 months have created deep crevices that I have been woefully content to wallow in. I hate feeling lost and alone and without direction, but I hate feeling unable to turn to God, my Rock, even more. I fear becoming overwhelmed with a job I am dissatisfied with, a thesis that feels that it will drag on forever, a social life that has disappeared in the wake of said job and thesis, and so little vision of what my future holds that I wonder if I will just stay in Davis forever. In my heart I feel abandoned and lost and I wonder where God has gone, what any of this has to do with His plan, why He has allowed so much suffering lately.

My head, of course, knows differently. My head is overjoyed that today we celebrate the birth of Christ, our Savior and that the Word became flesh to save us, to save me, in all of my inadequacies and failings. My head knows everything will be OK. That God will pull through - He always has and He always will. That this silence has a purpose, that these wounds have merit, that I am being sanctified through these trials. I know that God does not cause our suffering, but He uses it. I know that He is using this period in my life to somehow grow me into the person He wants me to be.

It's just hard, right? Because I'm a teacher, an academic, an intellectual. I'm supposed to trust my head, the things I know. But I'm also human, and I tend to trust the things I feel just as much.

How long will my prayers seem unanswered?
Is there still faith in me to reach the end?
I'm feeling doubt I'm losing faith
But giving up would cost me everything
So I'll stand in the pain and silence
And I'll speak to the dark night

I believe in the sun even when it's not shining
I believe in love even when I don't feel it
And I believe in God even when He is silent
And I believe
Barlow Girl, "I Believe in Love"

for what ive done

2007-12-23T22:30:00.000-08:00

Home, home, home. I cruised in yesterday afternoon after taking an excrutiating 3+ hours to drive the moderate 110 miles from Davis. My car = unhappy and in duress. Hopefully my mechanic can figure out what's wrong with it (and not to the tune of $3,600 - thanks a lot SpeeDee in Woodland) while I'm in Oklahoma next week.

For the first time in many years I'm actually looking forward to my trip to the midwest. I love my grandparents, but there is little to do on the ranch now that we are all older and my grandma is not well. While I normally anticipate with dread 4 days of sitting on the couch, cross-stitching, knitting, reading, overeating, and napping, this year I'm eagerly looking forward to 4 days of writing my thesis (and overeating). Hopefully I can get the bulk of the data analysis finished and write up a lot of the observational data so I don't have to worry about it anymore.... I'm throwing myself a huge party in March when this is finished.

Christmas this year should be pretty low-key. We're doing brunch on Tuesday, which is new, but I'm looking forward to it because it means less awkward-time with the cousins and more quality-time with my immediate family. I'm also way looking forward to the present giving and receiving this year. I did an excellent job of gift selection this year (Burberry Brit for Mom, the fashionista and The Lost and Biggest Brother for Dad, my true literary soul mate) and, for the first time in many years, I have absolutely no clue what my parents got me. Of course, it's not the gifts that are important, it's the time spent with my fabulous fam, but we get more creative every year and it's fun to see what everyone comes up with. Except my brother, who never gets anyone anything.

I also bought some sweet books today to take with me to Oklahoma (you know, for plane rides and study breaks), including The Keep, Second Glance, and Everything After. It's all I can do to keep from digging into them right now. However, I promised myself I would finish my second go-round of Girl Meets God and give Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell a fighting chance (I've been letting it fight for over a year but... you know. I can never leave a book unfinished, no matter how impossible it is to get through), so I'll persevere.

Mmmmm, books.

stuck on you

2007-12-17T20:59:00.000-08:00

Only a few more days. I submitted my Benchmark last week and have spent the time since writing finals, attending SST meetings for my at-risk students, and trying to get my apartment clean before I head home on Saturday. Then this morning, on my way to work, my "check engine" light started flashing and my car threatened to explode. My car is currently sitting in an auto-shop in Woodland and I am vehicle-less until some undetermined point in the (hopefully near) future. I want to go home.

you tell the story

2007-12-12T22:58:00.000-08:00

I've been rereading Lauren Winner's memoir, Girl Meets God, which I picked up summer '05 at a bookstore in Saratoga Springs, NY. It's so freaking good that every time I turn a page I want to open up this blog and post another quote. I love that Lauren is a scholar, first and foremost, and reads the Bible from a scholar's viewpoint - with cultural research and theology close at hand. I also love her memories of Orthodox Judaism, her descriptions of Jewish tradition, and her reflections on becoming a Christian and how God guided her to Christ. I don't really have anything else to say about it, but just felt that it was something that needed to be written down. Lame, I know.

to see the wizard

2007-12-04T16:22:00.001-08:00

I don't really talk about it much because it makes me feel unbelievably dorky, but I'm completely obsessed with all things Wizard of Oz.

No, seriously. Like, I love Oz more than one might think imaginable. I used to watch the 1939 Judy Garland musical version over and over again until I had nightmares about flying monkeys and could sing every word to every song by heart. I also watched Return to Oz several times but the Wheelers totally creeped me out, so my fascination with it was short-lived.

Then I got a little older and started reading all the books. I'm an avid reader now that I'm an adult, but I was the same way as a kid, for sure. I devoured stories about Oz, even though they didn't all make sense to me.

In high school, my drama department produced "The Wiz" as our spring musical when I was a junior (no one on cast was African-American, but we acted with soul). I student directed the show and played Glinda the Good, the movie-star good-witch sister who shows up in the end to send Dorothy home and sing the amazing reprise of "If You Believe".

When I got to college, I took a children's literature course and we read The Emerald City of Oz and I was amazed at the complicated politics of Oz that I obviously never picked up on when I was seven. Then I read Wicked. Oh, Wicked. I love Wicked because it takes the Oz story and turns it on it's head and gives crazy detailed background about Dorothy and the Wicked Witch and, holy crap, I love that book. (Son of a Witch is pretty good too, not nearly as good as Wicked in my opinion, but still a book about Oz, so I love it).

This long line of Oz-fascination leads me, of course, to the latest in Oz reimaginings - The SciFi channel's Tin Man starring Zooey Deschanel and Alan Cumming. Tin Man has received some pretty brutal reviews, but still achieved the title of most-watched telecast in network history when the first two-hour installment aired on Sunday night. And I love it.

It's brilliant, really, in a totally post-modern, deconstructed kind of way. It alludes to Baum's original story (Deschanel's character is named "DG" and her mother is the former Queen of the O.Z. - the Outer Zone, Glitch is a scarecrow-like character who has had his brain removed by the evil sorceress Azkadellia, Cain is a former police man - or "Tin Man" - who was encased in a tin suit of armor for years as punishment for joining the resistance against Azkadellia), but definitely isn't a retelling. There is plenty of new and reimagined information to keep me glued to the TV for an entire six hours (yeah, it's long) of Oz-induced euphoria. Exactly what I need as this long and painful semester draws to a close.

that this would all be fine

2007-12-03T17:35:00.000-08:00

God I'm in this place again I'm trying so hard not to fall,
but everything keeps coming down with the rain.
And I try so hard I forget to call.
Everybody's looking around, and everybody wants to be found.
And I'm just hanging on; I give You all that I am.
I come to You with all that I am, I bring to You all that I have,
and all I have is nothing, and I keep on trying, and all I want is You.
-Everyday Sunday

(picture courtesy of farlane)

that's what you get

2007-12-02T14:38:00.000-08:00

About three years ago, I got an email from my uncle about some blog he wanted me to check out. At the end of the email, he wrote this:

"I want you to have all of the advantages of a free spirit early in your life.

I think you already do."

I need to remember things like those during times like these. I will finish my thesis. I will be a good teacher. I will continue to be a fascinating and dynamic person, even when I feel like my life is nothing but data and research...

everythings right

2007-11-26T19:50:00.001-08:00

Today was long. School, staff meeting, then BTSA. I left my apartment at 7 this morning and just arrived back home. But today was also good. I wore a cashmere sweater, listened to great music, had flowers delivered to my classroom, got my seniors thinking about Freud, and actually felt like my ELs learned something. And when I got home, Annie had baked cookies. And Heroes is on tonight. And everything is going to be alright.

There's more but... it can wait.

2007-11-24T17:12:00.000-08:00

Things I am Thankful For, 2007

my health, a steady paycheck, houndstooth coats, FreeRice, pumpkin pie, ballet flats, students who try, running shoes, candles, stuffed bell peppers, soccer, coffee, high school football, Pottery Barn desk accessories, fleece blankets, kiwi, Lush products, Jesus, Shakespearean endeavors, strawberries, cranberry margaritas, empty weekends for serious writing, fireplaces, family, puppies, books, my roommate, a new cell phone in January, minimum days, yogurt, laughter, etc etc

if it kills me

2007-11-23T18:16:00.001-08:00

From the awesome indexed.blogspot.com:

war on sound

2007-11-20T21:36:00.000-08:00

I want to change the world... instead I sleep.

I want to believe in more than you and me.
But all that I know is I'm breathing.
All I can do is keep breathing.
All we can do is keep breathing now.
-Ingrid Michaelson

i haven't spoken

2007-11-18T09:00:00.000-08:00

Just have to laud the awesomeness of FreeRice.com again this morning. While sipping my (extra foamy) latte and talking to my mom on the phone, I donated over 1000 grains of rice and reached level 41 (out of 50)! Amazing!

Now off to church and yogurt with my small group. Beautiful Sunday.