watch things disappear

I've spent more time with ADX in the last week than I probably did the last half of my senior year. What an incredible group of girls they have this year - it's very exciting. More exciting than that, though, is finally being part of the awesome sisterhood of ADX alum and having the opportunity to sit together and retell all the greatest ADX storeis and remember what it was that made ADX special enough to take the plunge and pledge a group that, at the outset, we knew basically nothing about. There are so many things I loved about ADX when I was active, and even more things that I love about ADX now that I have the chance to step back and view it as a whole.

We are girls who travel the world separately and reminisce together. We play hard, pray hard, and laugh harder. We move across city lines, state lines, and country lines but stay in touch through exorbitant cell phone bills, "mondo emails", and the not-nearly-often-enough coffee date. We graduate, get real jobs, get married, have babies but still sit around living rooms giggling like we did during our first active retreat. We are the first to know when life gets tough and the first to know when life is just incredible. We are bridesmaids, godmothers, and lifelong confidants. We are smart and sassy and just a little bit stubborn. We believe in the life-changing love of Jesus Christ and the life-saving power of a good joke. We rarely pass up an opportunity to spend time with eachother (or spend money on shoes) and willingly go out of our way to give someone stuck on campus a ride or bring someone stuck studying for O-Chem cookies. There is something amazing about ADX girls, and it's not just because we're intelligent or adorable or undeniably crafty - it's that we believe in eachother, we believe in miracles, and we believe in the same God.

Yeah, it's cheesy. You'll get over it.

Winter 2006 with the Alpha-Alpha class

i believe

I have a love-hate relationship with MySpace.

On one hand, I love MySpace because it appeals to everything snoopish and voyeuristic within me. I love that I can see Steph and JP's wedding pictures on JP's MySpace, I love that I can discover which girls from my junior high are, in fact, lesbians without actually having to speak to anyone from junior high. I love that I can discover new music and practice my coding skills and keep up with ADX girls all across the country.

On the other hand, I hate that MySpace allows me to see what my junior high students are up to when they aren't at youth group. I hate that it is a billboard in flashing neon of my brother's (occasionally illegal) escapades in Chico. I hate that I can feel defined by music choices and color combinations and that people actually get offended if they aren't in your "Top 8".

I've been advised to get rid of my MySpace when I start student teaching, and I'm tempted to take that advice. Although I don't fear getting in trouble because of what's on my own MySpace, ignorance is bliss and I would just rather not know a lot of things that I discover, completely unexpectedly, via a MySpace bulletin (a note to pot-smokers in the building: please do not tell me that you are using Bible paper to roll your joints. Especially if you used to be in my small group. Thanks.)

David and I have been MySpace messaging back and forth these last several days about Cain and Abel (I have always been his go-to Bible expert) after a three year "break" in which we refused to acknowledge the others' presence. It's weird, how they all start to come back at the same time, in one way or another. Ro messaged me on Facebook (another love-hate relationship here) today and, although the Neal dreams have subsided, he'll be back in town soon and Lord knows I always run into him in the worst situations. It's only a matter of time before I hear from Heath again, and at least James is, literally, half a world away.

Incidentally, Daniel is also out of town and all I really want is a big hug from my favorite boyfriend of all time.


And doesn't that sound familiar
Doesn't that hit too close to home
Doesn't that make you shiver
The way things could have gone?
Doesn't that feel peculiar
When everyone wants a little more?
So that I do remember
To never go that far
Cause you leave me with a scar

sing and dance i play for you tonight

I wrote this on Monday after Senior Night, but didn't get around to posting it until now because I've been lazy with pictures. Oh well.

I didn't expect to really feel much of anything, let alone cry, at my Senior Night. I have, afterall, been technically "alum or something" for a whole semester. And I did pretty well until they started praying for us and then Kristen Jones said that we were ADX to her, and that for a long time, whenever she thinks of ADX, she'll think of us. That got me thinking about Kassey and Bronwyn and Kelli and Aubrey and the Valentine twins and then I started to cry because regardless of what happened this year, ADX has been my home and these girls have been my sisters and my friends and when I think of ADX, I think of all the girls from the last two Senior Nights and how much they loved me and cared for me and changed my life with their honesty and their desire to see me grow.

My prayer for ADX is the same as it has always been - that they grow in spirit and in truth, that they strive for authenticity and compassion, that they be real with eachother and with God, and that they continue to be a light on our campus. I don't know where I would be without ADX and without all the girls who have gone before me encouraging me and pushing me and believing in me. They have supported me through messy breakups, jobs across the country, applying to graduate school, and discovering who I am. They didn't doubt me, judge me, or quit on me and when I needed to step away, the ones who mattered understood. I have been humbled and blessed beyond words.

What a lucky life I lead.

(Although whoever submitted the picture of me and Neal from spring semi for the senior slideshow? Not cool at all. I was honestly rather offended. You know better.)

Pictures of girls in black:

ADX's class of 2006

Obligatory Senior Butt Shot

Sassy

With Pauline, as per tradition

With my girl, Lindy

VPs past and present

We're leaving ADX in excellent hands

2/3 of my little sisters - Jackie and Kimberlyn

on an eighteen month delay

The other day in class, we were talking about minority achievement variability (don't be fooled, it's not as exciting as it sounds), and Professor Johnson summarized a point that the author had made by saying, "Lee argues that Ogbu's theory sees Asians as a monolithic group. Does everyone know what monolithic means?" And this girl raises her hand and says, "It's a belief system where you only believe in one God."

I nearly fell out of my chair. Completely forgetting that I was in class and that I don't know this girl and that maybe I should try to be sensitive to the fact that some people are morons, I say, rather audibly, "That's monotheism. And we aren't even talking about religion." And Professor Johnson laughs and looks at me and says, "Would you care to define monolithic for the class?" and I say, "Well, considering that we were just talking about, monolithic means a homogenous group in which variability is not accounted for."

Duh.

I am so done with college.

In other news, my schedule is so jam-packed I'm having a hard time believing I'm only taking 10 units, and only 6 of them for a grade. Between papers and debates, planning the Famine, trying to move out, projects for work, family obligations, physical therapy, meeting with ADX girls, and general end-of-the-year stuff, I literally am never home. On top of that, I don't think I'm going to be in Davis a single weekend until the end of the quarter (aside from Famine weekend). Ryan and Megan's going away party, my mom's birthday, (Famine), Napa, Stephie's bridal shower, and then I'm done.

Not that I mind, really. I'm sort of over the whole "spending every free second of every day with people because before you know it this will all be over" thing. Maybe because I'm not leaving Davis yet. Maybe because a lot of people who are really important to me aren't leaving either (or are staying nearby in Natomas and Sac). Or maybe just because that's not my style. I don't feel a deep sense of regret and sadness that college is ending. It's been fun, but I know there is something bigger and more exciting on the horizon and I'm perfectly willing to wait that out without getting overly emotional about commencement.

Because that's what it is. Commencement. I'm finally getting to start doing what I really want to do. I get to work in a classroom and be an adult and not deal with all of the college "stuff" that gets in the way. Finally.

I trust that God has had the most extreme hand in these last four years. London, New York, ADX, and UCC especially. I know He has sent me places to train me and taught me things to prepare me, but I don't think He intends for me to hold onto those things and lament that they have passed. I think He intends for me learn from them and move on and use those experiences as a springboard for what is coming.


"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord...