you make me feel

Mmmmmhmmmm......

i believe the sun also rises

Oh yeah, I'm home.

Since rolling into the Bay around 2pm on Wednesday, I've spent copious amounts of time with Steph & Family prepping for the wedding, worked a shift for my dad, taken lots of naps, talked to Canadian Mike at COTW on the phone (!!!), bought a new bathing suit, went to the eye doctor, did some Ebay-ing (Seychelles shoes and Anthropologie skirts, to be precise), and have not unpacked a single thing.

I enjoy being home because it gives me a chance to decompress from a frantic 9 months in Davis and then, once properly decompressed, to get excited about the next frantic 9 months. Talking about the graduate program hasn't gotten old yet, which is nice, nor has talking about the new apartment and the new(ish) boyfriend and the (frighteningly impending) future.

Being back at home makes me feel very adult and very childish all at the same time. Steph and I are amazed that our 1st period PE class freshman year at St. Francis was over 8 years ago now - sometimes it feels like we ran the mile together just last week - but at the same time we are proud to be college graduates, going to grad school and getting married and expected to be real adults. Being 22 is such a funny age because I'm not entirely sure where I stand right now. Sometimes I'm a big adult and ready to take on the world and other times it's my first day of high school and I don't know anyone in my homeroom and have a huge zit in the middle of my forehead.

I just want a peek at my future sometimes, just to make sure that everything turns out OK. Will I be a good teacher? Will Daniel and I get married next summer? Will I stay in Northern California (perish the thought!)? Will I eventually get to do AIDS education in Africa? Will I get back on stage someday? What if all these things I'm so passionate about get pushed aside for something else that I haven't even thought of yet?

You see, I often come home and get overwhelmed with all the possibilities. I don't think about them much in Davis because I'm preoccupied with papers and junior high students and the drama of small town living, but I come back home to a house so big and a Bay even bigger and I think about all the places I could go and all the people I could be and I pray that God, in His awesome power, crafts something undeniably "me" for me, so that I can be everywhere and do everything and accomplish something incredible for Him.

I come home and I want to write novels and travel the world and be an amazing mom. I come home and want to learn how to cook and sculpt gorgeous abs and build an impressive library of books no one has heard of but that everyone should read. I come home and I remember who I am - where I came from and what I came through and, most importantly, who I've always wanted to be.

Hold me
Break me
Mold me
And Make me more and more like You

you will be the one to lead

Last night I babysat for a new family that I met through Oasis at UCC. I've had Sarah in Oasis Childcare for about a year now, and she's an absolute doll, so when Linda called me and asked if I would watch Sarah and Lucas on Thursday evening, I gladly agreed. As expected, the children were angels and we read Winnie the Pooh stories all evening.

I remember a lot of Winnie the Pooh from my childhood, but mostly in the form of TV shows and movies, courtesy of Disney, not the original stories by A.A. Milne. I think I would be a lot more into Winnie the Pooh had I been in the possesion of something like this which, of course, I am now desperate to own.

These stories are funny, folks. And in a very adult way too. They are quick and intelligent and sarcastic and gave me several good chuckles.

A sampling from "In Which Pooh Invents a New Game and Eeyore Joins In":

"How did you fall in, Eeyore?" Asked Rabbit, as he dried him with Piglet's hankerchief.

"I didn't," said Eeyore.

"But how---"

"I was BOUNCED," said Eeyore.

"Oo," said Roo excitedly, "did somebody push you?"

"Somebody BOUNCED me. I was just thinking by the side of the river
- thinking, if any of you know what that means, when I recieved a loud BOUNCE."

"Oh, Eeyore!" said everybody.

"Are you sure you didn't slip?" asked Rabbit wisely.

"Of course I slipped. If you're standing on the slippery bank of a river andsomebody BOUNCES you loudly from behind, you slip. What did you think I did?"

"But who did it?" asked Roo.

Eeyore didn't answer.

"I expect it was Tigger," said Piglet nervously.

But, Eeyore," said Pooh. "Was it a Joke, or an Accident? I mean--"

"I didn't stop to ask, Pooh. Even at the very bottom of the river I
didn't stop to say to myself. 'Is this a Hearty Joke, or is it the Merest Accident?' I just floated to the surface, and said to myself, 'It's wet.' If you know what I mean."

In other news, Daniel is home for Father's Day, my mom is coming up tomorrow to help me finish packing, and Mindy is getting married this weekend! Come Monday and Tuesday, I'm off on the Mystery Trip (I'm not even positive where we're going!) with The Edge and then I finally get to move back home. Glorious.

It's hot out.

where oh where can i find someone, anyone

For my birthday, my old boss Sarah gave me two potted plants - a trailing ivy and some tiny little flowers - which I promptly killed. I didn't think I was bad at plants, but I'd never really had plants, so I don't know why I thought I'd be good at them. Daniel was over as I was packing up my room the other day and he saw the empty ivy pot and asked what I was going to do with it.

"I dunno. You should buy me a plant at the nursery and I'll try to keep it alive. It will be like a love fern," I joked.
"That's a good idea. Maybe I will."

I then proceeded to pack the pot at the bottom of one of my boxes because, honestly, who buys a love fern?

Apparently, my boyfriend.

I came home from our work party today (catered by the Buckhorn!), to find this:


There was also a poem (because what's a gift from Daniel without a poem?):
I love a semi-sunny spot,
I love to show my color off.
I love to watered every day or two,
But most of all, I cannot help but love you!

(notice the subtle watering directions hidden in the poem!)

This means several things:
1) He unpacked my boxes to find the pot and then repacked them
2) I have a love fern
3) I have to keep it alive!

He told the lady at the nursery that I killed my last plant and she suggested a cactus, but he says he has more faith in me than that. I say he's full of wishful thinking. But I'll try. You know, cause it's a love fern.

(does anyone know what kind of flower this actually is?)

moved with the shakers

What with graduation looming and many people moving out of Davis, there has been a general negative attitude about our fair city lately. I understand, being a Davis-hater myself in the early years, but this sleepy little town has grown on me, and I'm excited to be here for a while longer. In honor of the next two years, I give you Megan's official list of Things I Love About Davis:

-Farmer's Market and Picnic in the Park
-the parade and Doxie Derby on Picnic Day
-strolling through the Arboretum
-Alpha Gamma Omega and the AGO house in general
-our many quirky town characters
-University Covenant Church
-how I can get a suntan just walking to class in the springtime
-the Varsity Theater
-Ciocolate, Crepeville, Ali Baba, Cafe Roma, Thai 2K, Common Grounds
-ADX alums in nearby Natomas
-relative proximity to skiing, good theatre, wine, and home (Tahoe, San Francisco, Napa, and the Bay, respectively)
-the Quad on sunny days
-the ducks, especially when found in unexpected places like at bus stops or in the Voorhies fountain
-The Mondavi Center (but not payroll reports)
-Nugget sandwiches for dinner
and in honor of my education:
-The English department, School of Education, and Professor Hurst (happy retirement!)

This post brought largely to you courtesy of the DavisWiki (another favorite)

sing and dance i play for you tonight

I wrote this on Monday after Senior Night, but didn't get around to posting it until now because I've been lazy with pictures. Oh well.

I didn't expect to really feel much of anything, let alone cry, at my Senior Night. I have, afterall, been technically "alum or something" for a whole semester. And I did pretty well until they started praying for us and then Kristen Jones said that we were ADX to her, and that for a long time, whenever she thinks of ADX, she'll think of us. That got me thinking about Kassey and Bronwyn and Kelli and Aubrey and the Valentine twins and then I started to cry because regardless of what happened this year, ADX has been my home and these girls have been my sisters and my friends and when I think of ADX, I think of all the girls from the last two Senior Nights and how much they loved me and cared for me and changed my life with their honesty and their desire to see me grow.

My prayer for ADX is the same as it has always been - that they grow in spirit and in truth, that they strive for authenticity and compassion, that they be real with eachother and with God, and that they continue to be a light on our campus. I don't know where I would be without ADX and without all the girls who have gone before me encouraging me and pushing me and believing in me. They have supported me through messy breakups, jobs across the country, applying to graduate school, and discovering who I am. They didn't doubt me, judge me, or quit on me and when I needed to step away, the ones who mattered understood. I have been humbled and blessed beyond words.

What a lucky life I lead.

(Although whoever submitted the picture of me and Neal from spring semi for the senior slideshow? Not cool at all. I was honestly rather offended. You know better.)

Pictures of girls in black:

ADX's class of 2006

Obligatory Senior Butt Shot

Sassy

With Pauline, as per tradition

With my girl, Lindy

VPs past and present

We're leaving ADX in excellent hands

2/3 of my little sisters - Jackie and Kimberlyn

the opposite of war isn't peace

Today was the second annual Epic Quad Battle. There was even an article about it in the Aggie. I happened to get out of the office early enough to catch a bit of it and took some pictures:


The Southern army was outnumbered at least 4:1, but put up an impressive fight. Check out the kid getting pummeled in that last picture. Ouch.

Why do we do these things? No one knows. Welcome to Davis, kids.

hey la la hey

A few photos from last weekend:

Clos du Val

Mmmm, grapes!

Excited to be in Napa!

Chimney Rock

Yay! Wine!

Patriotic vineyards

Diamond Creek Vineyards

The valley

Happy Birthday, Daniel!

That's a big princess cake!

meet me here

My college career is ending in 5 days with as little fanfare and excitement as posisble. I haven't sent out graduation announcements, I'm not having a party, I'm not even walking. I'm just pleased to know that I'm done and that I finished well. I'm proud of what I've accomplished here and what I'm moving forward to do and all I really need is a pat on the back from my dad and to know that my parents are proud of me. Which they are.

Last weekend was seriously a whirlwind. On Friday night, I got comp tickets from Mondavi to the Pacific Edge Film Festival, so Daniel and I went and saw some pieces by Melinda Stone, specifically the Market Street Project, which we were both really interested in. On Saturday, we met up with Alex to go see some of our kids play in the Sacramento Jazz Jubilee, and then on Sunday morning after church we left for Napa. After some winetasting and winery-visiting, we drove down to Millbrae for cake and card games with Daniel's parents and some of his cousins and on Monday morning we visited my mom for a few hours before coming back up to Davis so I could be at elections for ADX's 06-07 eboard.

I can't believe it's Thursday already and that this upcoming weekend is upon me so quickly. Steph's bridal shower is Saturday morning at California Cafe in Palo Alto and I'm so excited to go and celebrate with her. On top of all that UCC's Annual Celebration is Sunday night and they've asked me to be there so they can honor me for my work this year, but I think I have to babysit, so that's kind of a bummer.

So I guess even if I'm not walking or throwing a huge graduation bash, I'm busy enough as this quarter draws to a close. Last night marked yet another fabulous evening at the Denison House after Worship Night at the Edge with grilled chicken kabobs, rice and corn curry, wine, cheesecake, and chocolate covered strawberries in celebration of Daniel's birthday. I have been blessed with some incredible friends and sitting around Alex's huge dining room table, drinking wine and playing "Blind Ignorance" is always a nice reminder.

Pictures from Napa soon. And my brother moved back home. Life stays interesting.

dramarama

Not the most appropriate title, but it's stuck in my head at the moment.

Although there is mad drama going down, hence an update 30 minutes before I leave for Napa, by way of UCC. I called mi madre yesterday on the way home from the Sacramento Jazzfest (where we saw Emma and Sterling rock out at the free jazz venues) and she informed me that the unthinkable had finally occured: they kicked my brother out of the house.

This may require some backstory, probably more than I have time for at the moment, but, bottom line, Daniel has two rules to follow as long as he is living at home with my parents: #1 be home by 2am and #2 no drinking if you take the car, especially if you take Dad's car.

Needless to say, Daniel sucks at following rules. Let's not even get into the fact that he's only 19 and that he's essentially an alcoholic and that he has no respect for anyone in our house. He just can't seem to get home by 2am or resist drinking when he takes the car.

So after breaking the rules several nights in a row, my mom kicked him out. And took his house key.

Daniel, being the arrogrant kid that he is, didn't take any of his things with him, including his books for class. If he fails the classes he's taking at De Anza this quarter, my parents won't pay for him to go back to Chico. Daniel has no money. None of his friends want him to stay with them. His car is about 45 seconds away from breaking down for good. And he insists on calling my parents horrible names and saying that he doesn't need, or love, them anyway.

It hurts to love my brother, because he doesn't love back. He's never been nice to me, he's never respected me, and he's never made any effort to even try to know who I am. And now he's completely turned his back on his family and the only thing I can do is pray. Hard. Because that kid is running from something and none of us know what it is and we've just gotta hope that he finds something meaningful in the process.

Off to Napa. Pace sempre.

and i move forward

What a weekend! The Famine was a great success - staff weren't too stressed, kids learned a lot, we all had a great time and shared some awesome discussions. We didn't sleep much, but I think I'm pretty much caught up by now. On Saturday evening, we went to the Hunt's for dinner. Mr. Hunt has been promising me paella for about a year and a half, and he was finally making good on his promise. Daniel and I arrived at the Hunt farm around 6:30, forgetting that the Hunt's don't eat like normal people. To make a long story short, we ended up sitting down for an authentic Spanish meal at around 9:30. In the meantime, we hung out with Lila and her family and some of Charlie's graduate students, jumped on the trampoline, petted the horses, played darts, and sampled some of the Hunt's home-grown and cured olives while they cooked paella over an open fire in the backyard. When the meal was finally ready, 15 of us crowded around a picnic table lit with candles and lanterns and after Charlie blessed the food, shared bread, cava, and an incredible seafood paella. It was so homey and comfortable and perfect and as I sat there wrapped in a blanket, getting drowsy as Carla talked about the first time she met her husband I realized how blessed I have been here in Davis to know families who love and care about me and have taken me in as one of their own. What more do I need?

Here are some pictures from the weekend (courtesy of Dave, more here):

Nikki and Lila

At work in the Tichota's backyard

Dave and the cat

Corey, Alex, and Alana back at UCC

Daniel shows off a bit

Paella!

The finished product

world's on fire

The Famine is this weekend (it started, in fact, 4 hours ago) and I wish I could just relax and enjoy it. I am stressed out and I have hives and my eyes itch and I have a cold sore. I don't particularly want to sleep on the ground at the church tonight and I don't particularly want to play capture the flag, developing country-style. It's not that I don't like the Famine, it's just that I didn't like planning it.

It's kind of like being VP. Your whole job is to get people psyched on your event and then, by the time it rolls around, you are so sick of making phone calls and coordinating menus and acting like this is going to be the greatest event of all time that you can't even get excited about dressing up for it because, dear Lord, please let it be over soon.

But I have to discipline myself to remember what this is all about, especially since my girls are so excited about it and I am so proud of them for putting together Bible studies and coming up with activity ideas all on their own. Because after all of the planning and organizing and being frustrated with the lack of help and support I recieved from anyone on staff, this is about making a difference. It's about raising awareness and getting our kids to think about people who live somewhere that's not Mace Ranch. It's about realizing that 790 million people go to bed hungry every night and that most people live on less than $1 a day. My heart hurts, you guys, because I buy expensive moisturizer and have a car and own ski gear and don't know what it's like to be without. I'm so guilty of taking my blessings for granted and then I watch the videos that WorldVision sends me for Famine publicity and it just makes me ache. Why am I here when I should be there? Why do I have so much when so many have nothing? Why don't I make a habit of giving until it hurts?

Planning this has made me ache, but in the wrong way. Time for a reality check.

never ever ever

What I would really like to do as soon as I leave work in 30 minutes is crawl into bed and sleep for a couple of hours. What I'll probably do instead is go for a run, take a shower, study for Ed Psych, work on the novel, take some junior high girls out for dinner, and watch the 2 hour Grey's Anatomy finale.

Oh well.

youth of a nation

I picked up the latest Newsweek today when, emblazoned on the cover, was a pregnant women dressed in red next to the title "AIDS at 25".

In 1981, a quarter century ago, five gay men in Los Angeles died from a rare form of pneumonia. Today, over 25 million people have died of AIDS, another 40 million are infected, and the epidemic is still spreading.

As many of you know, I could write a novel about AIDS, its effect on the world, and its effect on my family. Tonight, however, I just want to take a moment to think about the appropriate response to such distressing statistics.

My small group has been considering how God calls us to "do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility, consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others" (Philippians 2:3-4) and what that means for us. And while I encourage them to be nice to that kid that everyone picks on, to serve their parents and their friends selflessly, and to just be aware of their surroundings, I've personally been feeling a call to something much bigger than that.

In the parable of the Sheep and the Goats in Matthew 25, the King tells the people that when he was sick, they looked after him. When they questioned him, saying that they never saw him sick, the King replies, "whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me".

I have never felt called to oversees missions or street evangelism. What I have felt called to do is respond with compassion to a rising epidemic that threatens more and more lives everyday. Why aren't more people outraged? Why aren't more people fighting? I often get distressed when friends ask for my financial support for summer missions trips. I understand short-term missions, please don't misunderstand me. I realize that this world is thirsting for the Gospel. But people are dying. By the millions. And we aren't doing anything. We aren't even concerned enough to educate ourselves. Check this out:

Only 17% of Americans rank the AIDS epidemic as a top concern. Even more shocking? 37% of Americans think (wrongly) you can get the HIV virus from kissing and 16% believe it can be contracted from a toilet seat. There is something wrong with these numbers. There is something wrong with America when it refuses to listen to a generation of dying youth. There is something wrong with Christianity when it stops caring about the least of these.

Me? I'm hoping to do this when I finish my Masters. What are you doing?

Start by edcuating yourself.

real to me

I have a new favorite artist.

Kim Cogan

Check him out.

And no, I can't bring myself to write about anything of much consequence. My apologies.

grace for a lifetime

"Faith is not some weak and pitiful emotion, but is strong and vigorous confidence built on the fact that God is holy love. And even though you cannot see Him right now and cannot understand what He is doing, you know Him." -Chambers


In other news, how much do I love madras??

all the boys think shes a spy

Whoever hacked into my bank account (again) and started moving all of my money around from checking to savings and back again but didn't actually take anything?

Not cool.

on an eighteen month delay

The other day in class, we were talking about minority achievement variability (don't be fooled, it's not as exciting as it sounds), and Professor Johnson summarized a point that the author had made by saying, "Lee argues that Ogbu's theory sees Asians as a monolithic group. Does everyone know what monolithic means?" And this girl raises her hand and says, "It's a belief system where you only believe in one God."

I nearly fell out of my chair. Completely forgetting that I was in class and that I don't know this girl and that maybe I should try to be sensitive to the fact that some people are morons, I say, rather audibly, "That's monotheism. And we aren't even talking about religion." And Professor Johnson laughs and looks at me and says, "Would you care to define monolithic for the class?" and I say, "Well, considering that we were just talking about, monolithic means a homogenous group in which variability is not accounted for."

Duh.

I am so done with college.

In other news, my schedule is so jam-packed I'm having a hard time believing I'm only taking 10 units, and only 6 of them for a grade. Between papers and debates, planning the Famine, trying to move out, projects for work, family obligations, physical therapy, meeting with ADX girls, and general end-of-the-year stuff, I literally am never home. On top of that, I don't think I'm going to be in Davis a single weekend until the end of the quarter (aside from Famine weekend). Ryan and Megan's going away party, my mom's birthday, (Famine), Napa, Stephie's bridal shower, and then I'm done.

Not that I mind, really. I'm sort of over the whole "spending every free second of every day with people because before you know it this will all be over" thing. Maybe because I'm not leaving Davis yet. Maybe because a lot of people who are really important to me aren't leaving either (or are staying nearby in Natomas and Sac). Or maybe just because that's not my style. I don't feel a deep sense of regret and sadness that college is ending. It's been fun, but I know there is something bigger and more exciting on the horizon and I'm perfectly willing to wait that out without getting overly emotional about commencement.

Because that's what it is. Commencement. I'm finally getting to start doing what I really want to do. I get to work in a classroom and be an adult and not deal with all of the college "stuff" that gets in the way. Finally.

I trust that God has had the most extreme hand in these last four years. London, New York, ADX, and UCC especially. I know He has sent me places to train me and taught me things to prepare me, but I don't think He intends for me to hold onto those things and lament that they have passed. I think He intends for me learn from them and move on and use those experiences as a springboard for what is coming.


"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord...

close your eyes

I guess I could talk about my job a little bit.

As mentioned previously, my incredible boss Sarah was offered an incredible job with the state, so she resigned from Mondavi and I got moved from the cramped and crazy TB 206 to the spacious and snazzy Mondavi Center business offices. This would be no big deal except that no one really knew I was coming and no one was ready for me. I've put in over 10 hours this week doing nothing but sitting here at the receptionist's desk directing phone calls and getting annoyed because, dammit, this is not the job I worked so hard to get. I worked hard to get a job in Arts Education so I could write curriculum and work with people who believe in arts initiatives and coordinate professional development series for teachers. I did not work hard to date-stamp paychecks and sort mail.

Jennifer, the woman who interviewed and hired me, seemed to be sensing my frustration. She just called and asked if I would like to work in her office tomorrow so she can train me to do all the data-entry stuff and learn my way around the offices. Since there are lots of people who actually do need extra help (contrary to how it appears as I sit here with nothing to do for five hours), she is going to put together a work log for me so I can just move around the offices and help whoever needs help with whatever they need help with.

It's not Arts Ed, but it's better than being a receptionist. I am not cut out for a desk job.

bouncing back to you

A few pictures from Sunday:

Japanese Tea Garden

The Drum Bridge

SF Botanical Garden