watch me rise up

So I was interviewed by WJUSD's Director of Human Resources Operations and their Director of Professional Development. I didn't know this at the time, of course, and when they asked if I had any questions about the district, I asked about their professional development opportunities in light of the new goals and missions they've adopted.

Because I'm awesome.

They told me to call them if I wanted to work for them and said that I'd basically be hired in the next two or three weeks.

Because I'm awesome.

(rejoice!)

times are getting a little crazy

Oh crap, the first of seven interviews with school districts begins today. It's only 7am and I already want to take a nap...

bring it

I hope she's been declawed...






kitten vs. frontrow on Vimeo

got a secret handshake

I just turned in my PACT.

I feel like the quarter is over even though I have two more classes next week (during finals week! Boo.) and a ton of stuff to do to get ready for all my interviews, plus Lindy's wedding. Yikes. I'm still swamped.

Today the Davis schools had a minimum day and I got a call from one of my seventh grade girls, inviting me to have lunch with her and a bunch of her friends at Pluto's. I think I literally saw every junior high student in Davis this afternoon. Sterling even dropped by and asked me when I was going to start working at Davis High, which prompted a fight with the girls because they want me to work at Harper next year. Bethany interjected, "Are you sure you want Megan as your Bible study leader and your English teacher? What if you get tired of her or decide you don't like her anymore?"

"Wh-what?" Sterling sputtered. "Why wouldn't you like Megan? She's awesome. She's going to be the best teacher ever."

It warmed the cockles of my heart, it did. I love kids.

In other news, nine of my students turned in their CD projects. And they're great! Hopefully I'll get some more turned in after the weekend.

talkin bout the car wash

Get your car washed for FREE this Saturday!

It's that time of year again - UCC's Annual Free Car Wash. Bring your car to University Covenant Church this Saturday from 10am-4pm and get it washed for free!

Our high school students are raising money for their Spring Break Mexico trip with Amor Ministries. They get sponsors for each car they wash, so they will be receiving ~$50 for washing your car, and you don't pay a cent!

University Covenant Church is located at 315 Mace Blvd. Get there early for a shorter wait time and don't be discouraged by long lines, there are 5-7 wash stations. No donations accepted - tell your friends!

bronze skin and cinnamon tans

This Thursday, my Eng9 class will submit their "Romeo & Juliet" CD projects. I'm excited about this project because it's an opportunity for the students to show me that they understand the plot and themes conveyed in "Romeo & Juliet" without having to do a lot of written work.

They're also really easy for me to grade.

In the spirit of being a good teacher, I also completed the CD project and brought it to class with me today to model for them what I'm looking for. The entire project consists of a CD case front with an illustration, CD case back with the track listings, complete lyrics for 2 songs, and a completed CD planning worksheet. The worksheet asks students to list bits of lyrics from each song and then show why they chose the song by connecting them to lines from the play.

Here's my soundtrack:

"Summer Jam" -Underdog Project
"Please Forgive Me" -David Gray
"Cupid's Chokehold" -Gym Class Heroes
"Ordinary People" -John Legend
"The Red" -Chevelle
"Don't Matter" -Akon
"If You're Not the One" -Daniel Bedingfield
"Wonderland" -Dexter Freebish
"Far Away" -Nickelback
"Never Leave Your Heart Alone" -Butterfly Boucher


My PACT is still unfinished, but I remain optimistic. This weather makes it hard to get anything done though, as I just want to lay out by the pool in my bikini.

Which I did, yesterday...

nothing at all

Did you know that the average American IQ is only 98?

How do they expect any self-respecting student teacher to take the completion his or her PACT seriously with such a low national IQ? God, we're lucky if we can get high school students to count to 10!

OK, I'm obviously stressed out and annoyed by this assignment, and getting more and more agitated the closer I am to finishing it. I honestly probably only have about 3 more pages to write. Why can't I just get it done?

I'm unplugging my internet.

anthem

"I am gonna make it through this year
If it kills me"
-the mountain goats

Watch the weird music video here.

all i want

Today I had a meeting and it messed everything up. And like, I'm not allowed to talk about it for another four weeks or so, but trust me when I say that it is seriously messing things up right now and I'm a total wreck and I'm not sure what God has planned for me anymore.

I've spent all day making a 14-page writing packed for my 9th grade collaborative essay project. I haven't worked on PACT. I need to go to the gym (but am avoiding it because of creepy hitting-on-me guy). I love this sunshine.

"This is not about being open to gay, lesbian, and trans-gender students. This is about being open to people... Every single one of your students has a story." -Sylvia Aquino

I hear an alarming number of my colleagues say, "I'm just not sure why I'm here or if this is what I want to do" or (my personal favorite) "I just really don't like my students" during the course of the typical "So, how are your classes going?" discussions. Holy cow, this irritates me.

I realize that the purpose of student teaching and the credential program is to help us discover our strengths and weaknesses as teachers and, essentially, find our niche in education. And I realize that, undoubtedly, some people are going to discover that they aren't good teachers (I can pick out several right now...). But what I really can't fathom is why you would even consider the teaching profession if you don't, oh I don't know, like kids? Or believe in the worth and validity of adolescents?

I have a lot more to say, but I'm in the middle of a lecture about Title IX and am simultaneously taking notes, finishing lesson plans, researching the concept of a classroom blog, and looking up YA titles for this summer. And blogging.

Did I mention PACT? Yeah, that's due soon too...

the way home

I have a job for the summer! Today I was hired by LASD to teach an Upper Grade Enrichment class this summer, which means I get to develop my own curriculum and teach junior high for a month this summer. I'm really excited and will hopefully get to create a Young Adult Fiction course. Hooray for employment! Now, for fall '07....

all on my own

Daniel and I caught NBC's new series The Black Donnellys last night. It was, in a word, incredible. Not surprising, considering Haggis and Moresco's work on Crash, one of my favorite movies of all time. Check it out.

And speaking of great writing, we saw Pan's Labyrinth this weekend as well. Gorgeous! Thought-provoking! Amazing! I could watch it a million times. Thank you Guillermo, you are my hero.

maybe you need her

Best thing about this week? 3 hours at Sudwerk with Nick. It's nice to remember how great my friends are.

light my fire

Amazingly, the annual February 19th birthday countdown kick-off came and went and I didn't even realize it. I've been stressed lately (could you guess?) and actually just gave up this morning and let my ESL class watch "Shrek" for the last half hour of class.

What? You would do it too.

I'm having a really hard time believing that I'll be 23 in (hold on....) 55 days. I don't particularly want to be 23, mostly because I associate 23 with officially being an adult and have this irrational fear that as soon as April 19 rolls around this year, I'll suddenly become boring and practical.

This is, as usual, probably just a product of grad school, which has made me feel very boring and practical for the last six months. After all, part of being a teacher is justifying every single thing you do in the classroom. I don't do much adventuring and staying up late and, dare I say it, even as much laughing as I used to. This makes me sad and I hope it's just a phase, that as soon as PACT is turned in, I settle on a research topic, and I get hired somewhere, I can relax a little and loosen up some.

And for anyone who's wondering, I hated Grey's Anatomy last night. Hated it.

wouldnt that be sweet

Today was the greatest day of my teaching career.

Let's back up. Today was the dreaded "filming day". I slept horribly and had nightmares about forgetting my tape, the battery on my camera dieing, and none of my students showing up, just to screw me over. Fortunately, none of those terrible things happened, class went smoothly, and we had a rousing Reader's Theatre of Act 3, Scene 1. Thank you, English 9.

About halfway through the class, one of my students asked if there were any theatre companies that perform Romeo & Juliet anymore. I explained that lots of companies still perform works of Shakespeare, it's just a matter of finding one in your area that is playing the show that you want to see. I have been looking for a local company who is doing R&J so I can invite my students to check it out, but aside from a one-night showing by Aquila and Mondavi, there's not a lot of Romeo & Juliet happening right now.

This student in particular is one of my favorites. Not because he's well-behaved, or does his homework, or comes to class on time everyday. In fact, he does none of those things. He never stops talking, never turns in any work, and routinely walks in 15 minutes after the bell. However, he's got such spirit. And he tries really hard. And he's funny and charismatic and encourages the rest of the class to participate. And, for whatever reason, he has really latched onto Romeo & Juliet.

So, I accidentally left my camera running as class ended and my students started packing up. As I was reviewing the film this afternoon, I could hear this student in particular talking to my master teacher in the back of the classroom. I had noticed him speaking with her that morning, but didn't think much of it. I can't catch some of the dialogue because of all the other noise in the room, but as far as I can tell, he was asking her about their senior projects (big research projects they must complete and present to a panel in order to graduate) and, get this, if he could incorporate some sort of production of Romeo & Juliet into his senior project.

This is a kid who got a 13% in English last semester. This is a kid in danger of getting kicked out of school for whole host of issues. This is a kid who, in his first written assignment, said that he has been told "you'll never make it" his entire life. This is a kid I believe in because, underneath the beanies and baggy pants and gang symbols, he is passionate about Romeo & Juliet, of all things!

This is why I want to be a teacher.

the fear you wont fall

So I have a lot of work due in the next week, specifically Task 2 of my PACT which involves a lot of extensive lesson plans and getting filmed (again? seriously?) while I teach. Boo.

I'm home for the long weekend and find that I simply can't motivate myself to get anything done. I really just want to sit on the couch with my dog and read Zadie Smith's On Beauty, eat purple grapes, and drink lattes.

The whole "get a job for next year" thing is a little stressful as well, but again, I can't bring myself to do much about it. Basically, I want to teach in a Davis junior high or at my old high school. These are two very different schools in two very different locations and the constant mental comparisons I keep making are beginning to make my head hurt. I just want a job. And for this academic year to be over. I freaking hate grad school.

Winter Camp was awesome as usual, even with my ex-boyfriend in attendance and his random, weird comments about coffee and my nose ring. My pictures are up here and everyone else's will be here soon enough.

OK, back to work. Maybe.

wherever we go

Well, I personally am devastated. Cafe Roma is, by far, my favorite coffee shop in Davis. And they definitely have the best lattes in town.

And to replace Downtown Roma with a Peet's? Seriously? It's better than replacing it with a Starbucks, but still... What a bummer.

like a weathervane

Last night, I had a horrible and frightening dream that 10 new students were added to my ELD class, taking the class size up to 35 and requiring me to learn 10 new and totally unpronouncable names. Yikes!

I'm chaining myself to my laptop all day long today, so I can finish my PACT context, WARP 1, Informant Interviews, and lesson plans for next week so I don't stress out while I'm at Winter Camp this weekend.

In other news, MTV's Engaged and Underage is pretty much the most depressing show I've ever seen. While the weddings are always sweet and whatnot, the most horrible part is when they fast-forward to one month later and the newlyweds are living in trailers on their parents' property or something sad like that.

Conversely, MTV's True Life: I Have Gay Parents always makes my heart swell a little bit because it's done so well. Then it makes my heart break a little bit too, because people can be so mean.

i turn my camera on

I finally bought a new digital camera. And just in time for Winter Camp!

Let the photo-blogging commence!

this one qualifies

Alumni Night in San Francisco!

"Let it be understood

No man can supercede
Our sacred bond of sisterhood.

Oh my God!
Omigod you guys!"

hold on hold on

If you've spent any time with me at all in the last month, you've heard me rant about everyone getting engaged and how I'm sick of people asking when I'm getting engaged, etc etc. Honestly, the wedding fever has me a little agitated lately and it probably wouldn't bother me nearly as much as it does if everyone would just quit acting like there's something wrong with me because Daniel and I aren't getting married in the next five minutes.

In any event, wedding mania hit its zenith last night when on Grey's Anatomy, both Burke and George proposed to Christina and Callie (respectively). Seriously? Grey's Anatomy? Is nothing sacred these days?

Read about it here.

quality control

I am in crazy teacher mode these days. I'm totally stressing out about school starting on Monday and, as a gift it would seem, I have a four day weekend to get my crap together (or, as the fabulous Susan Warburton would say "to get all my ducks in a row"). Hallelujah.

Oh, toothpastefordinner....

Yesterday I slept it (glorious!) and after a killer spin class I met up with Annie to check out the duplex that we (hopefully) will be moving into this summer. It was really nice and very exciting and I hope everything works out according to our rather precarious plan.

Then I finished my CTY application, did some more teacher-y things, had dinner with Daniel, did more teacher-y things, watched Grey's, and did even more teacher-y things before going to bed.

Today? Lots of coffee and teacher-y things all day because my mom is coming to visit tomorrow and I'm heading into San Francisco on Sunday with ADX alums to see Legally Blonde: The Musical, the latest lame edition to the 06-07 Best of Broadway season. I don't have high hopes for the show, but I do have high hopes for a fun afternoon with my girls in San Francisco (and H&M, praise the Lord).

I wish I updated more often. I wish I saw my friends more often. I wish grad school didn't suck so much. But! I do really love teaching, so that's a nice bonus.

homebird sing

This weekend I:

-cleaned my apartment (like, in an overhaul sort of way. It was disgusting)
-learned a lot about Japan
-saw Children of Men and had Thai food with Daniel, Annie, and Colby
-did massive amounts of laundry-wrote syllabi for my classes
-made a lot of worksheets
-drank a lot of coffee
-learned about great sex at church
-watched a long freaking movie
-became so utterly frustrated with my apartment that I hung out at the AGO house (whoah!)

So, lots of exciting stuff, as you can see. This is my last week of prep before second semester begins and I'm freaking out a little. But I'm having lunch with Erica on Tuesday, so that's way exciting.

I miss my mom.

if thats what i takes to sail you home

I spent most of yesterday in traffic school, which was less than fun.

Quote of the week:
(At the MU flagpole on Tuesday)
Bethany: I've been dying to ask why you have to attend traffic school.
Megan: Oh, I got a speeding ticket back in October.
Jaime: For what?
Megan: Um.... for driving over the speed limit.

On Saturday, Bethany and I crashed Informal at Lindy's house to hang out for a few hours (and get free lunch, of course) and then I babysat like, literally, all night long.

I'm glad today is a holiday.

you can try

"Happiness is the result of discovering that you do not have to have what you want" -James Fleibleman

part of where im going

For my EDU 153 class, I have to write an "I am From" poem (yes, I'm doing my homework even though I skipped the first week of class. I'm a good student...). This is what I came up with:

I am from beauty, rich & rare.

I am from Midwest summers, quilting circles,
Catfish ponds, & the Cherokee Nation;
From Nano’s nursery rhymes, ambrosia salad,
And a grandfather who never remembered my name.

I am from scarred knuckles & serious caffeine addictions,
Mom’s sewing machine & 24lb turkeys,
Private schools, Labrador retrievers, freckles on my nose,
And, above all else, “the family business”.

I am from soccer in the rain, atrocious penmanship,
“Quit calling me Mexican, because I’m not”,
Hand sewn prom dresses, books stacked to the ceiling,
Ski trips, hibiscus, & plumeria.

I am from music, music,
And more music.

I am from shoulder surgeries & shattered dreams;
From discovering life after competitive sports;
From arts education & faith as small as a mustard seed.

I am from yoga in empty theatres, bonfires on the beach,
Youth group on Wednesday, band practice with the guys,
AP English, & bare feet on beaches white.

I am from Shakespeare, Faulkner, & the book of Hebrews;
From London, New York, & Barcelona;
From passionate living & fabulous friends;
From the beautiful Silicon Valley.

I am from learning to love myself; from no regrets;
From “Go big or go home”, adventures, laughter,
Jesus, & sunshine.

There's a format for "I am From" poems, but I didn't use it. If you're interested, you can find it here, but I think it's far more interesting if you rely on your own rhythm to guide your writing. I'll probably use this with my high school students this year. Write your own and share your journey.

artists are special

born so i might live

"The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
because the Lord has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release for the prisoners,
to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
and provide for those who grieve in Zion —
to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor."
-Isaiah 61:1-3

And the first time
That You opened your eyes
Did You realize that You would be my Savior?
And the first breath
That left Your lips
Did You know that it would change
This world forever?
-relient k

and learn to fly

Thursday was my last day at Norwood and my kids threw me a little party and gave me some gifts and wrote me some letters and it was all really precious. During third period, I was sitting in the teachers' lounge waiting for Jenny to finish teaching her class and our principle walked up and we started chatting:

Roxanne: "Ooh, what did you get?"
Me: "Oh, some cards, some stuffed animals, and some other things from Mary."
R: "How sweet. So, where are you off to now?"
M: "I have a long-term placement at Hiram Johnson High School that starts in January."
R: "I see. So you have somewhere else you need to be?"
M: "Um... yes, kind of."
R: "So, when will you be a credentialed English teacher?"
M: "June of 2007."
R: "Hmm... Would you be able to get your emergency credential and start working here in January?"

HOLD UP.

So you want to hire me? As a real, paid teacher? In January? Before I even have my credential??

What followed was convoluted and hard to follow, so I'll shorten the last several days into serveral haikus:

I talked to Pauline

Discussed next quarter's options

Part-time would be fine

Roxanne called Pauline

Would only accept full-time

I'm just that awesome

If you don't read poetry well, it went something like this: Pauline said I could take the job only if it was a part-time position because my priority needs to be the program (blah blah blah). Roxanne wasn't willing to negotiate for part-time because they need somone ASAP, but told Pauline she was really impressed with my teaching and was sorry I wouldn't be joining her team. Because I'm awesome.

So, you know, that was flattering. And now I'm home with my family until January. I can't promise a lot of blogging, but I can promise a lot of PJ wearing and fireside sitting.

We'll be in touch, I'm sure.

post script

Oh yeah, I also don't have cervical cancer. I learned that today too.
I neglected to mention it because, let's be honest, I was scared out of my flipping mind, but last week I got a call from my doctor saying that my test results had come back with some "abnormalities" (specifically high-risk HPV abnormalities) and that she wanted to "discuss a few things" with me. Yikes.

Apparently there were some cells that looked precancerous. But they ran some tests and it turns out they're not precancerous. So I'm cancer-free.

And much less frightened than I was two days ago.

Praise. The. Lord.

are you having any fun

Things have been pretty exciting, teaching-wise, lately. Yesterday I was filmed (yuck) and had my end-of-quarter conference with my professors and master teacher. Then I had to go watch my film with Zach and write a paper about it. It was weird watching myself teach and even weirder hearing my teachers tell me what a good job I'm doing. I mean, I know I'm doing a good job, but it's been a tough quarter and I've dealt with a lot of stuff in the classroom, so it was great to get some positive feedback and validation.

Plus, I'm teaching poetry.

So today, an hour into my lesson, I find out I'm being observed again. By someone from the district. What the crap? Apparently, this woman was observing support classes and was originally supposed to observe Mary but, surprise, Mary isn't teaching right now - I am. Rather than reschedule, Mary told her "Oh, Megan just does what I do, so you can observe her." Fortunately, I was prepared with a good lesson and lots of handouts, overheads, and guided practice, but that really threw me for a loop.

So we had another short conference after class today and this woman told me that she had no negative things to say about my lesson, my teaching style, and my behavior management techniques and wanted to know if she could have a copy of my tape from yesterday to show clips of during training sessions (what??) and when I would have my credential and if I was planning to teach in the area next year.

Holy crap, did I just get a thinly veiled job offer? Brilliant.

And that's all for now.

geisha bruises

Today I started a poetry unit with my students. We read fun poems like "The Aliens Have Landed" and, my personal favorite, "Lemon Moon". In honor of all things poetry, here is my favorite e. e. cummings poem of all time. I wish my students read well enough to understand how beautiful it is... you shall above all things be glad and young.

For if you're young,whatever life you wear

it will become you;and if you are glad

whatever's living will yourself become.

Girlboys may nothing more than boygirls need:

i can entirely her only love

whose any mystery makes every man's

flesh put space on;and his mind take off time

that you should ever think,may god forbid

and(in his mercy)your true lover spare:

for that way knowledge lies,the foetal grave

called progress,and negation's dead undoom.

I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing

than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance -e. e. cummings Get your daily poetry fix at InVerse.

lets be alone together

I always knew I loved penguins.

From CultureBlog, Who will stop the gay male penguins??

right in front of you

Everything about yesterday was a slap in the face. Today is looking better already.

Completely unrelated, but making me think nonetheless:
Christian perfection is not, and never can be, human perfection... I am called to live in perfect relation to God so that my life produces a longing after God in other lives, not admiration for myself. Thoughts about myself hinder my usefulness to God. God is not after perfecting me to be a specimen in His show-room; He is getting me to the place where He can use me. Let Him do what He likes. -Oswald Chambers

they made a statue of us

I finished my 45-page project! I would write more, but I'm sick of typing (sick of it!), so I'm going to go make some hot chocolate and start on my last 3 short papers of my first quarter of grad school.

I am amazing.

And Regina Spektor rocks my face off.

keep the promise

World leaders have made a number of promises to control and combat AIDS, including the goal of providing universal access to AIDS services by 2010 and to halt and begin to reverse the spread of AIDS by 2015. However, as of 2006, new reports from the World Health Organization indicate that the epidemic continues to spread in every region of the world and that in 2006 alone, 2.6 million people died of AIDS.

Today is World AIDS Day and the theme is accountability. You can read more about the struggle to establish Universal Access to AIDS treatment here.

-Over 65 million people have been infected with the HIV virus.
-Over 25 million people have died of AIDS since 1981.
-Over half of all new HIV infections worldwide are in young people aged 15-24.

Get involved.

Stop AIDS - Keep the Promise.

(giving)thanks

Peppermint tea, space heaters, chocolate, books, family, experimental theatre (the good kind), miniature schnauzers, faith, English-foreign language dictionaries, time with Teresa, candlelight, the Bible, emails from Stephanie, pumpkins, democracy, ballet flats, My Utmost for His Highest, modern art, the color green, mix tapes (old school), pumpkin pie, soccer, the Peace Corps, hazelnut lattes, bikinis, thank-you notes, freedom (of speech, press, religion, expression, sexuality, etc), "Grey's", wine, World AIDS Day, the colors of fall, fleece, raspberries, incredible friends, encourage-o-grams, snow globes, running shoes, picture frames, email, literacy, scarves, running, a good beer with good friends, creation, high school football, UNAIDS, Jesus, crossword puzzles, memories (New York, London, high school, and beyond), pineapple, and the fact that this list keeps growing.

What are you thankful for?

i turn my camera on

Today, I went to the doctor.

I haven't been to the doctor in a long time. Mostly because I don't really like doctors and don't like taking medicine and, in general, feel that I take good enough care of myself that I don't really need someone poking and prodding at me all the time.

I can't even remember the last time I went to the doctor for just a routine checkup (not to have my shoulder pried open or to have my infected ear looked at or to get shots for travelling), so Mom said it was time to go. Besides, she had just gone to a new doctor and really liked her and thought that I would like her too.

And I did. I just didn't really like all of the things that this doctor's visit amounted to, including but not limited to:

-a full phyiscal
-a breast exam
-a pelvic exam
-a pap smear (fun!)
-a tetnus booster
-a whooping cough immunization
-a blood test
-a urine sample
-and an examination of all my moles to make sure I don't have skin cancer. If you've seen me in a bathing suit, you know how extensive that was.

And, surprise!, I'm healthy. What a shocker. I have a normal blood pressure, a healthy BMI, a regular-sized uterus and overies, and excellent reflexes and circulation.

What I don't have, incidentally, is my certificate of clearance from the California Comission on Teacher Credentialing because the School of Education mixed up my file with someone else's file (there's a Megan Janelle Garcia out there, apparently) and while I probably won't be kicked out of the program for this, I might not be allowed back into the classroom until after Christmas.

So, you know, just a normal day back at home in the Bay Area. At least Iget to see Teresa.

find an old-fashioned girl

Hooray, my unit's over and I'm going home on Sunday! I'm so looking forward to spending almost an entire week and a half in sweatpants and fuzzy slippers and watching lots of junk TV.

i think ill stay in bed

I'm going out this Friday. This is a big deal because I haven't gone out since, like, August but I'm in desperate need of a good time with good friends and since Nick and Joe have promised to be there, it's on (feel free to join us, of course). It's been an unnaturally long three weeks of solo teaching and I'm aggravated and discouraged by a lot of things, but I've been listening to some pretty good music lately and tomorrow's lesson looks like it might break the mold (just a little. Enough to get my kids interested but not enough to get the district angry) and, sweet Jesus, Bethany is back in the USA and I get to go home on Sunday and stay there for a whole week.

This post brought to you courtesy of the beginnings of a migraine, Rufus Wainwright, Caramel Apple Cake from the Nugget, and the letter zed (because, let's be honest, don't I always wish I was in London?).

have you ever been alone in a crowded room

My heart is breaking. Breaking! I just got an email from one of the boys on my team:

Hey Meghan,

Soccer was awesome with u and Dave and steve

=P

Cya soon hopefully!

--Ricky--

P.S. I hope ur not my English teacher

just kidding =P

Why are seventh grade boys so adorable? I just want to keep every single one of them.

So we ended up taking 4th place. We lost the consolation game in a freaking shootout, which totally bites, but the boys had a great attitude about it. Our team party was super fun - I got lots of adorable gifts (a team picture signed by all the boys, a shirt with our team logo on it signed by all the boys, and a girly, sequined soccer pillow signed, of course, by all the boys) and one incredible gift - a $100 gift card to Border's from the parents! They said they've never had such a fun season and have never seen their kids enjoy themselves so much. Yay us!

I'm glad to have my Tuesday and Thursday evenings (and Saturday mornings) back, but I'm going to miss those kids (and their parents) so much.

In other news, I love that Amazon.com snows.

PS - My name is not spelled with an H. Why do people insist on doing that?

when the night feels my song

Despite the rainy weather yesterday, Davis AYSO chose not to postpone our tournament, so I spent several soggy hours on the soccer field, nose running, lineup disintegrating, and umbrella turning inside out. In the end, we won both of our games, beating an undefeated team, and moving on to the semifinals. Two more games this afternoon and then the standard team pizza party where, I just realized, I'm going to be expected to give a speech of some sort. Awesome

I spent the rest of the afternoon curled in a blanket on the couch, alternating between reading Jodi Picoult's new novel The Tenth Circle and watching miscellaneous crap on television (my roommate is gone for the weekend, so I took full advantage of an empty apartment). After some Top Chef and a Six Feet Under marathon, I found myself listening to the third (fourth?) season of Laguna Beach as I really started getting into my book. There were several episodes rerunning, namely Spring Break (in Cabo, of course) and Prom and it made me realize that no matter how much I may lament that I'm almost 23 and a real adult now and have to go to grad school and pay my own bills and (on some level) am kind of sad that I'm not "dating" anymore... I'm really glad that having those responsibilities that that "title" means I'm not in high school anymore because, holy cow, high school stinks.

This spring, when I graduate from grad school in the Mondavi Center (for the credential degree, at least), it will be five years since I graduated from high school in the Flint Center. Five years! I never thought I'd get out of there, and now look where I am. Crazy.




My senior portrait.

would you still be in love baby?

I don't mention him nearly enough, but I have a fabulous boyfriend. Like, this kid is incredible for not only loving me to the extent that he does (and putting up with my schedule and not getting mad when I fall asleep in the middle of important conversations), but for just being an all around great guy too.

Yesterday we had a belated 9-month celebration (also because Daniel claims we haven't gone out "in years!") and saw The Prestige (which we happened to really like despite some mediocre reviews) and then went into Sacramento for dinner. The plan was to eat at Zocalo, but the wait was almost an hour, so I pointed across the street and we decided to eat at Paesano's instead. An excellent choice.

I was going to write more about the evening, but I think I'll end with this instead:

"Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you that you love, well, that's just fabulous." -Sex in the City

hmmm edited for photo goodness:

if that's all we can take

Wow, today sucked.

First, it's Wednesday which means staff meeting/collaborative planning at Norwood from 8:45-10:45am. I used to not have to attend this, which meant Wednesday was a sleep-in day (or get-to-the-gym-really-early day), but then some teacher was like "why aren't the student teachers coming to collaborative planning?" so now I have to go and all I do is sit for two hours in a freezing room while they argue about curriculum and API scores and my coffee gets cold and my stomach starts to grumble. Awesome.

So then I walk into my classroom and review my agenda and remember I have to give not one, not two, but three tests today. Three tests on material I know my kids don't know. This isn't my fault, mind you. It's material they should know but don't because they've been to lazy to learn it and today was accountability day. So after 45 hellish minutes of painful testing, I had to lecture my students about discipline and responsibility for their actions and how if they don't start giving 100% in my class, they aren't going to make it through high school, etc etc. It was not fun. And then I gave them like an hour of English homework and told them that if they ever tell their resource teachers that they don't have any English homework again, they'll be doing English homework until their hair turns gray.

Then I came home and started my period. Too much information, I'm sure, but it's just been that kind of day.

I watched last night's Veronica Mars, hit the gym, then headed over to UCC for band practice at 6. We didn't start practicing until 6:45 because the guys were screwing around with their guitars and couldn't get anything to work. This is why vocalists hate band practice. Alex is on his honeymoon, which meant everything was left up to the staff and then half the staff didn't show up. Fabulous.

But then we split into guys'/girls' discussion groups and the ladies talked about Esther and we had a really fabulous discussion about taking risks and crisis of faith and it just reminded me how incredible my life is and surely tomorrow will be better.

The End.

or step aside

Also, I ran into Annie at the gym today (she was working, I was working out) and we decided that if I decide to take a job teaching up here and don't move back to the Bay next fall, we will live together.

This makes me very happy.

let it be

I miss having free time. And not free time to clean my room or catch up on lesson plans (which I did today), but free time to hang out with people and have a life outside of school.

Yay, grad school.

I'm babysitting tonight. Pheobe finally stopped crying about 20 minutes ago and I'm watching Stephen King's Dreamcatcher - an OK movie and much better novel. Man, I love scary movies.

I like October because October means Halloween and Halloween means lots and lots of horror movies on TV. I love horror movies. Good ones, bad ones, cheesy ones, terrifying ones. I love them all. And I'll watch them over and over again, even if I've seen them a million times already. It's kind of ridiculous. I'm glad the kids are asleep.

Tomorrow Daniel and I are driving down to Carmel (hooray!) for Alex & Erica's wedding (double hooray!). I'm looking forward to great weather, late-breakfast/early-lunch in adorable Carmel, and a really fabulous wedding with all of my absolute favorite people. Then, I get to go visit my parents and do laundry! A full weekend, indeed.

I just found out that I have to dress up for Halloween at my junior high. But I still need to be able to move around and teach and be taken (somewhat) seriously. Any ideas?

From Junior Year, ...

I carved this pumpkin!

who do you think you are

If you're looking for something sweet, may I recommend The Nugget's German Chocolate Brownie? Daniel brought me one (and some other delicious treats) to enjoy while we watched Saw II on Saturday night when I got home from the Corn Maze (full evening, I know). I finished it just now (it's that huge!) and it was delightful.


In less sweet news, Saw III comes out on Friday and whoa man, am I excited!

lily dreams on

Last night, I took some of the girls in my seventh grade small group to the 35-acre Dixon Corn Maze. It was, in a word, epic.

From Corn Maze!

Edit: I just got an email from one of my girls thanking me and saying how much fun she had. Holy crap, I heart junior highers.

watch things disappear

I've spent more time with ADX in the last week than I probably did the last half of my senior year. What an incredible group of girls they have this year - it's very exciting. More exciting than that, though, is finally being part of the awesome sisterhood of ADX alum and having the opportunity to sit together and retell all the greatest ADX storeis and remember what it was that made ADX special enough to take the plunge and pledge a group that, at the outset, we knew basically nothing about. There are so many things I loved about ADX when I was active, and even more things that I love about ADX now that I have the chance to step back and view it as a whole.

We are girls who travel the world separately and reminisce together. We play hard, pray hard, and laugh harder. We move across city lines, state lines, and country lines but stay in touch through exorbitant cell phone bills, "mondo emails", and the not-nearly-often-enough coffee date. We graduate, get real jobs, get married, have babies but still sit around living rooms giggling like we did during our first active retreat. We are the first to know when life gets tough and the first to know when life is just incredible. We are bridesmaids, godmothers, and lifelong confidants. We are smart and sassy and just a little bit stubborn. We believe in the life-changing love of Jesus Christ and the life-saving power of a good joke. We rarely pass up an opportunity to spend time with eachother (or spend money on shoes) and willingly go out of our way to give someone stuck on campus a ride or bring someone stuck studying for O-Chem cookies. There is something amazing about ADX girls, and it's not just because we're intelligent or adorable or undeniably crafty - it's that we believe in eachother, we believe in miracles, and we believe in the same God.

Yeah, it's cheesy. You'll get over it.

Winter 2006 with the Alpha-Alpha class

this is the sound of settling

Sometimes I want to scream, "Is this it?!"
at the exact same moment I want to scream, "This is everything!"

From Camp of the W...

we used to be friends

For those of you who read this and don't actually know me (anyone?), my family owns a grocery store in Palo Alto. It's uniquely situated in the middle of College Terrace and a block from the Stanford campus. We've been there, family owned and operated, for over 50 years. There are, in fact, only 2 family-owned and operated grocery stores left in Palo Alto, and we are one of them.

There are a lot of things that make JJ&F really special. One is that the store is, at least superficially, run almost exactly the way my grandfather ran it back in the 50s. We have customers who have shopped with us for their entire lives. People come in not just to shop, but to see friends and catch up with people. My dad is one of the only butchers left in the Bay Area who breaks his own beef (we get a whole cow from Harris Ranch and do all of the cuts ourselves). We are a neighborhood market with specialty items and a gourmet meat department.

And we're being forced out of business.

This has been going on for about a year, but it's a complicated situation. First, there was going to be a big remodel, per the request of the property managers. Then, we realized we would have to close in order to remodel, and my dad wasn't willing to take that risk because we are already in close competition with Trader Joe's and Whole Foods and closing the store for an indefinite amount of time is just recipe for losing customers. Then the property managers got angry and all hell broke loose. The store is being sued, my dad is being sued, they say we owe a ton in back rent, we are counter--sueing because they never told us they raised the rent, etc etc. The fear, of course, is that we will lose in court (although it's not likely) and the store will close and we will have, quite literally, nothing. Not only will we not get any money (because the other option is to sell), but we'll owe all of these bogus back-taxes and rent. And it sucks because my family has worked so hard for so long and it may all end up being for nothing. And all along, no one has known anything about it because my dad wanted to keep things quiet

Yesterday, the Palo Alto Daily News published a big story. Because they couldn't contact us for an interview, they only had the property manager's side. We were made to look pretty bad. My dad was super upset because now he has to field questions at work because, obviously, our loyal customers are going to be caught totally off gaurd.

Today, the San Jose Mercury ran a story. This one was better, but things are still really up in the air right now.

The whole situation just sucks. My dad just turned 60 and all he can think about is how he's worked so hard his whole life and he's going to have nothing but debt when he retires. This store is all we have ever known. And, even more than that, it's like an institution in Palo Alto and to see it go.... Well, it would just be bad.

So, I don't know. If you pray, pray now. I hate seeing my family so sad.

just a momentary thing

I haven't done a meme in.... well, ever. But I thought this was kind of clever. Answer in two words only!

1. Explain what ended your last relationship?
Geographically undesireable

2. When was the last time you shaved?
Wednesday morning

3. What were you doing this morning at 8 a.m.?
Sleeping in!

4. Were you any good at math?
That's funny

5. What were you doing 15 minutes ago?
Driving home

6. Your prom night?
Super anticlimatic

7. Do you have any famous ancestors?
American Indians

8. Have you had to take a loan out for school?
Thanks, parents!

9. Do you know the words to the song on your myspace profile?
Yeah, duh

10. Last thing received in the mail?
Junk, bills

11. How many different beverages have you had today?
Milk, juice

12. Do you ever leave messages on people's answering machine?
Short ones

13. Who did you lose your CONCERT virginity to?
OC Supertones

14. Do you draw your name in the sand when you go to the beach?
Junior high

15. What's the most painful dental procedure you've had?
Wisdom teeth

16. What is out your back door?
Train tracks

17. Any plans for Friday night?
Lesson plans

18. Do you like what the ocean does to your hair?
My fav

19. Have you ever received one of those big tins of 3 different popcorns?
Gross, no

20. Have you ever been to a planetarium?
Not yet

21. Do you re-use towels after you shower?
Never ever

22. Some things you are excited about?
Thanksgiving break!

23. What is your favorite flavor of JELLO?
Anything orange

24. Describe your keychain(s)?
Jump drive

25. Where do you keep your change?
Laundry basket


In other news, I have to create and maintain a "professional website" for my EDU 180 class - kind lame, but check it out.

no sleep tonight

I'm sick again.

I went to school anyway because, you know, it's my job, and came to a really depressing conclusion about growing up...

See, when you're a kid and you go to school and you get sick, you go to the nurse and relax for a while and they call your mom and she comes to pick you up and take you home and you lay down on the couch for a while and she brings you medicine and doesn't let you do anything until you feel better.

When you're an adult and you go to school and you get sick, you suck it up and deal with it. That, or you decide that indeed you are too ill to stay, so you drive yourself home and lay on the couch and watch crappy daytime TV until you get thirsty or need more medicine or need to take your temperature, at which point you drag your sorry butt off the couch and get a glass of water or dig through your medicine cabinet fruitlessly for ten minutes, only to realize that your thermometer has disappeared in the move and you took the last of your DayQuil the last time you were sick.

These gastrointestinal pyrotechnics are getting old. I miss my mommy :(

you have been the one for me

I figured maybe I should write about something of substance...

On staff retreat last weekend we did a value-sorting exercise, where we were given 30 values and had to sort them according to importance in work situations. Inevitably, things like "working on the frontiers of knowledg" and "precision work" and "stress/pressure" ranked very low on my value continuum. Likewise, "helping others", "creativity", and "independence" ranked very high. However, so did "mental stimulation" and "working alone".

Which brings me to the conclusion that, if you've been paying attention, has been brewing for quite some time now:

I hate grad school.

I hate group work and partner sharing and stupid projects. I'm tired of observing teacher's whose teaching strategies I don't agree with and I'm sick, sick, SICK of keeping observation journals. The more I sit and listen to lectures on learning theories and EDI and minority representation, the less I want to even be a teacher. Yesterday, I turned in a big project. It was this:


Miss Garcia's Learning Theatre. A visual metaphor of how I learn. Learning is like theatre. The lights illuminate your prior knowledge, the audience assesses both the individual as well as the ensemble performance, blah blah blah.

Am I really doing arts and freaking crafts? I'm 22 years old and I'm making posters for homework. I'm reading boring books that aren't telling me anything about teaching except that it's "the most important job you can have", and no one will just let me teach anything. I'm bored. And anyone who knows anything about behavior management knows that the kids who are most distruptive in class are the ones who are bored. Does anyone remember me in junior high?

When do I get to teach Steinbeck? I'm over it.

Now is the winter of our discontent.
-Shakespeare, Richard III

stop hey whats that sound

OK guys, seriously, watch Veronica Mars tonight. 9pm on the new CW.

If this show gets cancelled, I will be majorly bummed.

you know youve gotta help me out

There's this fabulous little place in Claremont that Stephie took me to called 21 choices (there's also one in downtown Pasadena). It's basically Coldstone, but approximately 1 billion times better AND with handmade frozen yogurt and specialty flavors that change daily. Tonight, I could really go for French Vanilla with some Twix mixed in. I miss LA. And Stephie...

Staff retreat at Tucker's cabin this weekend was super-fun as usual. Sadly, I represented basically the entire female staff all weekend and it was... tiring. As much as I love being "one of the guys", I really missed Monika and Bethany and wished that Kelly and Cathy could have been there so we could discuss small group things that pertained to girls. Oh well, maybe in January. It was fun, however, to be there with the high school staff and to have a couple of days with nothing to do but enjoy the scenery and a little serenity. I needed a break.

My dad turns 60 this Friday, so I'm heading home after our game on Saturday morning to celebrate a little and attend Palo Alto's Glass Pumpkin Patch with my mom. It's fall! I'm so excited!

i saw the end

I was stuck on my couch all day yesterday, watching season 1 of Veronica Mars. It was a nice break from my hectic schedule, but it concerns me that my body had to stage an all-out war on my immune system just to get me to sit down for a few minutes. Daniel thought I might have West Nile (I do have an over-abundance of mosquito bites) but I was leaning more towards the plague, thanks, of course, to the fabulous season premiere of Grey's - an entire episode of flashbacks redeemed solely by McVet's declaration that, "he's not good for you. And I am", which had me screaming "Exactly!" at the television like a crazy person. Cue Derek stepping in to screw things up once again and me shaking my fist in frustration.

I am far too involved in this show.

Assuming I don't snot all over my computer (I'm recovering, albeit slowly), today I must tackle the last of my EDU 275 assignments and make sure my portfolio pieces are in order. I can't believe this first round of classes is ending already. I get a grand total of three days off from teaching before jumping in at the junior high and tacking on another set of classes.

Is it June yet? Just checking.

how to save a life

This is me, not doing my homework. Whatever.

While folding laundry, I came across my "I <3 my Ta-tas" shirt, which I bought several years ago. "Save the Ta-tas" was a brand-new company started by one of the founding mothers of ADX Nu and several girls from the sorority bought shirts and wore them proudly at retreats, although rarely in public :)

So I started wondering how Julia's little company had done in the last several years and did a quick search to find her online.

Holy crap! How exciting to see the amount of publicity she has now and how much awesome work she is doing raising awareness and money for breast cancer research!

(It's also pretty fun that I'm on the "Show Us Your Ta-tas" page along with Kate Beckinsale and Jessica Alba. Scroll down.)

along the watchtower

It turned fall this week. Then today it turned back into summer. It was foolish of me to think that the seasons would follow any sort of predictable pattern, considering the overall feel of my life lately. I need to take out the trash.

I have entered my final week of solitude. My roommate moves in next weekend and I'm... sad. I've enjoyed living by myself. I'm not obnoxious to live with - I don't play my music loud or have lots of people over or hog the TV or make messes. I tend to clean up other peoples' messes and remind my guests to be quiet and I never borrow things without asking. But... I would really just prefer to live alone and I find myself anxiously awaiting next fall, when I've been hired by a real school, am making a real salary, and can afford my own, lovely, one-bedroom apartment for no one but little me. At least for a little while.

The last six weeks have been overwhelming and difficult and hilarious and enlightening. I feel like I'm wasting my time in class some days and other days I walk away with such a profound sense of the enormous responsibility that they're placing in my hands that I can't even see straight. And, blessedly, we all get along. On Friday night, Brittany and her "partner-slash-fiancee" Matt had the whole cohort over for an international themed potluck at their precious little house in Sacramento and we sat in their backyard under twinkle lights until midnight drinking sangria and black cherry vodka tonics (I represented Russia) and eating Matt's incredible spring rolls and pad thai, commiserating and laughing and having, as Lisa put it, "our own real grad student party!". And it was great.

As far as the actual "school" part of school... My ELD class is a mess - no one knows what is going on, least of all myself. We've retained maybe five of our original students in the biggest class schedule shake-up of the century and haven't even ordered books. I don't know how, or what, I'm going to teach come January. Fransisco, who has been in the country the longest at nearly 5 years, can't even spell in his own language. As I reviewed his work this week, I noticed that quien was spelled with a K. The entire Spanish alphabet does'nt have a K in it. Lord, help me. My ninth grade advanced class is a little better... We at least have books and an established class roster. I get to teach Romeo & Juliet, etc etc...

In two weeks, I start my secondary placement at Norwood JHS in Sac. I'll be there all quarter with Jessica and Jenny and... well.... whatever. I'm excited, I guess. I'm just kind of rolling with the punches right now. Val and Pauline say that our schedules are about to get "really crazy", which is sort of frightening because what have our schedules been recently if not that?

I get the first third of my grant money tomorrow (almost $2,000!) and I'm trying to decide what to do with it. While the "I hate spending money" part of me wants to pay off the last of my credit card and then put the rest into savings and forget about it for a while, the "I like pretty, new things" part of me is itching for a new computer. Actually, I think my current computer is itching for me to get a new computer too. And, logically, it's a better idea to buy the new machine now with the grant money than to try to scrape up the money to do it once I get out of school. Ugh.

I. Hate. Money.

In far more exciting news, Grey's Anatomy season 3 premiers this Thursday! Daniel has been listening to The Fray nonstop for the past week and I'm ready to kill him. But Grey's! Grey's!!!

Oh! And my soccer team (The Chelsea Aquabats - don't ask) won our second game yesterday 6-3! They were so awesome and fun to watch and I looooove coaching!

(how's that for an update, friends?)

dontcha

Wow, don't you wish I updated more?

Yeah, me too.


(DMB was awesome. Setlist here.)

the one ive been waiting for

I am super blessed to know so many fabulous older women at UCC who are genuinely interseted in what I'm doing and, more importantly, how I'm doing. Lonna Hampton, who has one son on my soccer team and two in my youth group, offered me some unsolicited, but still great advice last night and, if all goes as planned, my load may be lightening significantly in the next several weeks.

Class today, work tonight, soccer game tomorrow morning, Dave Matthews tomorrow evening! It was a balmy 57 degrees when I woke up this morning. Hello, Fall.

my joy

If this week (or, I don't know... tomorrow) doesn't kill me, I'll.... do something crazy. Daniel just called to wish me good luck and all I could do was wimper.

Weekend in LA with Steph and JP was fabulous. Just so.... fabulous. They are such.... good people. The elipses mean I don't have the energy (or the vocabulary) to adequately express how incredible my friends are.


And He set me on fire
I am burning alive
With His breath in my lungs
I am coming undone

total fluff

Today, I was awarded over $6,000 in grants... just for being a teacher. Exciting!

In other news, where has Jennifer Love Hewitt (of Kids! Incorporated fame - a show, I will admit, I watched religiously) been hiding her hips all these years?

Exhibit A

Exhibit B

Interesting note: Mario Lopez, Fergie, and Scott Wolf all had their "big breaks" on Kids! Incorporated.

And finally:

Season 3! Thursday, September 21 at 9pm!
Get excited, people!

100 years to live

Are you tired of hearing that I'm overwhelmed? Yeah, well I'm tired of feeling overwhelmed.

Today, Jess and I met with Amy at HJHS to talk about some of the classes we'll be teaching and to get our bearings on campus. It's just.... so much. There is just so much to think about.

I had a minor breakdown yesterday (I've been feeling unnaturally emotionally fragile for the last 2 weeks, and I'm guessing grad school has something to do with it), when Amy called to tell me about her classes, all of which are super low-level ELD classes. I understand the value and necessity of ELD, especially in California, and I truly respect ELD teachers because, damn, that's hard work. But, but, but.... I'm not getting my EDL certification. I don't want to get my ELD certification. I'm getting my teaching credential so I can teach all of the things I've spent the last four years busting my ass to learn. Please don't put me in a classroom with kids who can't even count to 10 in Engish. That's not what I've been working towards.

And it just seems so unfair sometimes that Jessica and I are at HJHS and that Caitlin and Brittany are at Grant, while other people are at Cordova and Pioneer and West freaking Campus (a college prep public school!), for heaven's sake. Why do we have to worry about gangs and riots and pregnant girls in our classes, while they have to worry about.... whatever it is you worry about at schools that don't have gang or violence problems because they, literally, are on the "right side of the tracks"?

But I digress. I'm tired of talking about high schools. And I have to draw up lessons plans.

For ELD students.

the kitchens on fire

I met about a million new people last night, and had the most fun night out in Davis pretty much ever. I went out with Hosay (from my English cohort) and approximately 1,259 of her friends at Froggy's, where we met up with Erin (also from our cohort) and ran into some people from our other classes. I didn't really want to go at first, but I sucked it up because it's important to me to get to know these people and make some friends who aren't undergrads anymore, and to move on from the stupidness of spring quarter. So we drank and danced and goofed around until like 2, then Jeff walked me home and we talked about religion and teaching and other fun things, and then I slept soundly until this morning when, on my walk back downtown to get my car, Hosay drove by and picked me up and wanted to make sure that I had a good time, because all of her friends loved me and want me around more.

Not bad.

I have homework to finish, but I don't want to do it, and my apartment is stuffy and messy and I have so many things to get done in so little time, so I think I'm going to watch some Sex in the City and just forget about it all for a little while.

Real life, what?

i believe

I have a love-hate relationship with MySpace.

On one hand, I love MySpace because it appeals to everything snoopish and voyeuristic within me. I love that I can see Steph and JP's wedding pictures on JP's MySpace, I love that I can discover which girls from my junior high are, in fact, lesbians without actually having to speak to anyone from junior high. I love that I can discover new music and practice my coding skills and keep up with ADX girls all across the country.

On the other hand, I hate that MySpace allows me to see what my junior high students are up to when they aren't at youth group. I hate that it is a billboard in flashing neon of my brother's (occasionally illegal) escapades in Chico. I hate that I can feel defined by music choices and color combinations and that people actually get offended if they aren't in your "Top 8".

I've been advised to get rid of my MySpace when I start student teaching, and I'm tempted to take that advice. Although I don't fear getting in trouble because of what's on my own MySpace, ignorance is bliss and I would just rather not know a lot of things that I discover, completely unexpectedly, via a MySpace bulletin (a note to pot-smokers in the building: please do not tell me that you are using Bible paper to roll your joints. Especially if you used to be in my small group. Thanks.)

David and I have been MySpace messaging back and forth these last several days about Cain and Abel (I have always been his go-to Bible expert) after a three year "break" in which we refused to acknowledge the others' presence. It's weird, how they all start to come back at the same time, in one way or another. Ro messaged me on Facebook (another love-hate relationship here) today and, although the Neal dreams have subsided, he'll be back in town soon and Lord knows I always run into him in the worst situations. It's only a matter of time before I hear from Heath again, and at least James is, literally, half a world away.

Incidentally, Daniel is also out of town and all I really want is a big hug from my favorite boyfriend of all time.


And doesn't that sound familiar
Doesn't that hit too close to home
Doesn't that make you shiver
The way things could have gone?
Doesn't that feel peculiar
When everyone wants a little more?
So that I do remember
To never go that far
Cause you leave me with a scar

resolution

If Daniel's going to Asia next summer with the Roma Crew, I'm going back to New York.

That's all.

through sick lullaby

Yesterday was not nearly as crazy as Monday, but things are still pretty intense. My room is a mess, I have a ton of reading to do, I need to start designing lesson plans, and I'm supposed to fit an AYSO coaching seminar in there somewhere. I want August/September to be done.

As if life weren't crazy enough on its own, I keep having dreams about Neal, which isn't as upsetting as it is just annoying. It occurs to me that, perhaps subconsciously, I'm still waiting for an apology or an explanation or anything that would make the last year feel less... something. I don't know if it's that my feelings are still hurt or if I just feel some sort of righteous indignation over the whole thing. Like, what did I do to deserve to be humiliated like that? Why did I feel like I had done something wrong when I came home, for trying to pick up the pieces and move on, and then I apologized? I apologized! Over and over again. For nothing. Nothing I did warranted an apology and I took it all on myself, like if I took enough blame for a decision that had nothing to do with me, I could make it better again. Like if I apologized for accepting an incredible job that took me across the country and exposed me to a faith I had never experienced before, I could make him change his mind.

Ridiculous. I took the blame for his mistake. I felt guilty for leaving, when it was his own weakness that couldn't handle my being gone. So why am I still upset about this?

I just want to hear, "I'm sorry".


It started out with a kiss
How did it end up like this?
It was only a kiss

when i see it for myself

Today was my first "official" day of grad school. I was in the Academic Surge from 10am-5pm, then I ran a couple of miles at the ARC, then came home, showered, and watched 7th Heaven (no kidding). Then Dave came over and we talked about soccer and now I'm (hopefully) going to put away all this clean laundry.

I'm overwhelmed. Hosay said that Valerie told her that everyone in the program has a nervous breakdown during this first week. I think I'm having mine. There's something very cruel about scheduling 7 hours of class and then giving us every single assignment that will be due in the next two months at one time. Tomorrow I have to drive out to HJHS with Jessica to work on our photo assignment and I have about a million chapters to read in a textbook that hasn't come in the mail yet.

See kids, grad school is fun!

I need to read my Bible.

this desert life

I'm heading back to the Bay this weekend to celebrate Nana's birthday and do some laundry, because I refuse to pay $1 to wash and $1 to dry at my apartment complex. I've never had to pay for laundry before, and I'm not starting now.

Plus, I have no change.

I'm way glad this week is over. Orientation classes are boring and have too much group busy-work. I'm trying very hard not to see the majority of my credential classes as a colossal waste of time while anxiously waiting to finally get inside a classroom. HJHS doesn't start until after Labor Day, so while Jenny and Lisa have already taught their first lesson, I haven't even been on campus yet. Ugh.

I need a new computer. My baby is getting old and sluggish.


And my guitar gently weeps

say goodbye without ever leaving

Being moved in is nice. I have a few things left to do before my first class tomorrow like finish my homework, order my textbooks, and call my vice-principle to finalize my schedule.

That's right, I finally know where I'm teaching this year. Hiram Johnson High School takes up a whole city block on 14th Ave in Sac, has a pretty intense athletic program, and has completely integrated the e21 program, the most dramatic urban high school reform plan in the nation (I learned about it while I was working for Sarah). e21 is reforming Sac high schools in order to increase the number of students who are prepared for college and the world of work by placing all of its students and teachers in small learning communities (HJHS has nine, ranging from an arts and multimedia community to a health and medical services community to an international cultural community). The goal is to increase student motivation at higher academic levels away from the traditional environment of large, impersonal, comprehensive high schools. In smaller communities of only several hundred students (rather than several thousand) teachers and students are able to form more personal relationships and, as teachers, we are able to offer more personalized instruction. It's very exciting.

HJHS also has four counselors on site, as well as a clinical psychiatrist, a gang suppression supervisor, an on-site social worker, and an assistant principle specifically for at-risk students. You know, just your typical, everyday Sac-City high school.

love has come

Something I should have noticed earlier: My apartment backs up to the train tracks. Train #1 rumbled past at 9:45 this morning. Train #2 at 11:15.

Interesting.

adding to the noise

I'm sitting amidst boxes of books, shoes, and dishes in my new apartment, alone for the time being. Amy doesn't move back in until the quarter starts late September, so I have a month or so to myself. I'm exhausted from hauling furniture around, but can't bring myself to go to bed yet because brushing my teeth will involve unpacking another crate, and I just can't handle that right now.

It's weird being back in Davis, when I thought I would be in Pasadena by now. It's weird being in a relationship this pristine, when I thought I would be single for a bit longer. It's weird being a graduate student, and living by myself (even for a little while), and feeling so damn adult and tied-down... in a liberating way.

Travis and I met for ice cream on the SJSU campus yesterday and talked about all our friends and their contagious travel-bugs. We talked about moving to New York and being poor and single and fabulous. We talked about joining the Peace Corps and living in Africa and making a real difference. We talked about teaching English in Japan and practicing anonymity. We talked about working our way up the continent to Ireland, applying for Irish citizenship, and just trying something new for a while.

I realize I'm stuck in California for another five-or-so years, going through my "induction period" for my credential ("will there be hazing?" Trav wonders), but I can't help but be just as excited at my prospects as I am about everyone else's. Because I have this opportunity to do something really incredible... 'Cause see, you can be a teacher, or you can be a teacher. And I intend to be the latter.

Cause I'm a fire
I'm a flood
I'm a revolution
I'm a war
Already won
I'm a revolution
-Starfield

goodness knows i saw it coming

I've updated my MySpace. I've been way productive lately.

Moving back to Davis this weekend. Yikes!