Monday, November 26, 2007

everythings right

Today was long. School, staff meeting, then BTSA. I left my apartment at 7 this morning and just arrived back home. But today was also good. I wore a cashmere sweater, listened to great music, had flowers delivered to my classroom, got my seniors thinking about Freud, and actually felt like my ELs learned something. And when I got home, Annie had baked cookies. And Heroes is on tonight. And everything is going to be alright.

There's more but... it can wait.

Saturday, November 24, 2007

Things I am Thankful For, 2007

my health, a steady paycheck, houndstooth coats, FreeRice, pumpkin pie, ballet flats, students who try, running shoes, candles, stuffed bell peppers, soccer, coffee, high school football, Pottery Barn desk accessories, fleece blankets, kiwi, Lush products, Jesus, Shakespearean endeavors, strawberries, cranberry margaritas, empty weekends for serious writing, fireplaces, family, puppies, books, my roommate, a new cell phone in January, minimum days, yogurt, laughter, etc etc

Friday, November 23, 2007

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

war on sound

I want to change the world... instead I sleep.

I want to believe in more than you and me.
But all that I know is I'm breathing.

All I can do is keep breathing.

All we can do is keep breathing now.

-Ingrid Michaelson

Sunday, November 18, 2007

i haven't spoken

Just have to laud the awesomeness of again this morning. While sipping my (extra foamy) latte and talking to my mom on the phone, I donated over 1000 grains of rice and reached level 41 (out of 50)! Amazing!

Now off to church and yogurt with my small group. Beautiful Sunday.

Saturday, November 17, 2007

a few small repairs

I have never liked showering. The undressing. The lathering, rinsing, repeating. The shaving. The exfoliating. The turning off the water and getting cold. The drying off. The redressing. Then the moisturizing and the make-uping, and the hair-drying and styling. It's just always such a hassle.

Yesterday morning though, I stood in the shower for almost a half hour. I wasn't evening doing anything. I just stood and let the hot water run over me and prayed that time would just stop and I could just stay there, warm and alone and relatively content, for a while.

Of course, that's not possible. So I turned off the water and got goosebumps on my just-shaved legs and looked at the clock and realized I was late for work, single again, and legitimately heartbroken (not the end-of-the-world high school kind of heartbroken, but the real I-was-going-to-spend-the-rest-of-my-life-with-you-until-you-changed-your-mind kind of heartbroken). But I put on a brave little face and got a caramel latte on the way to school and smiled when my students complimented my dress and gave the obligatory "Yay, it's Friday!" every time I ran into a colleague and told Nick, again and again over frozen yogurt, "No really, it's going to be OK. I'll be fine," even though I was glad it was dark so he couldn't see my eyes get wet.

But today... I shopped and spent too much money like I only do when I'm sad. And I ate jelly beans until my stomach hurt instead of going to the gym and doing crunches. And I tried to clean my room but just ended up just sitting in the middle of the mess, staring into my closet aimlessly. And I cried because my roommate is away for the weekend and my boyfriend is not my boyfriend anymore and this is the most unhappy I've been in a long time, not just because of the roommate and the boyfriend, but because of school and work and growing up too.

On Wednesday my small group talked about how the world looks at things and says "That is impossible!" but our faith says "With God, everything is possible" and I told them about how when I was in New York, Mike reminded me of Peter walking on the water to see Jesus, but getting scared because of the storm that raged around him. The minute he took his eyes of the Lord, he began to sink, but Jesus immediately reached out his hand and caught him.

I'm trying really hard not to take my eyes of Jesus and to trust him in this stormy season and to let him love me and take care of me and fill all of the empty places inside me. But I sure could use prayers as well. I'm not so good at letting go of my pride and reaching out for someone else's help.

Thursday, November 15, 2007


I'll praise You in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am.
And every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side.
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm.
-Casting Crowns

do it again

World hunger relief and vocabulary development? I'll give you one guess what my students will be doing on our minimum day next Wednesday.

Also, last night Bethany taught me how to make a ringtone out of any song in iTunes. I now rock out to "Mmmbop" whenever I receive a phone call. Glorious.

Thursday, November 08, 2007

its a perfect shame

Another crappy day at school (I have good ones, I promise). I don't have a problem with behavior management except for the students who have no understanding of "good behavior" in the first place. God, they just drag me down.

I got my hair cut today, and it looks pretty fantastic and sassy if I do say so myself.

I found an old letter from David on my computer today that he sent me the summer of 2003. It made me cry and wish that sometimes I wasn't such a bitch and that life wasn't as complicated as it is.

I've been unnecessarily emotional and unusually devoid of words lately. I need a holiday.

Monday, November 05, 2007

better than just getting by

Rough day at school, but now I'm home and (supposedly) grading piles upon piles of papers.

I'm far more stressed out than is really necessary, and about stupid things too. This weekend I became so fed up by a number of things, that I started researching schools for next fall. My old high school is already accepting 08-09 applications and I can't help but get a little excited about that, even though it's only week 12.

Well, it sounds bad that way, but week 12 means that in 6 weeks, I'll be halfway done. That is crazy.

I don't like thinking about leaving Davis, but at the same time sometimes it's all I can think about. I don't know what to make of it, but it can't be making this stress situation any better.

Saturday, November 03, 2007

oh crystal ball

I just remembered this gem from COTW 2005:

Josh Pell: Wanna know the most annoying sound in the world?
Mike: Teens?

(I haven't gotten much done today, and just remembered I have to call 10 parents sometime this weekend to let them know their kid is failing my class. Worst. Job. Ever.)

im sick of waiting

Saw a great bumper sticker on the way home from class today:

Today's agenda:
-clean my room
-empty dishwasher
-finish Benchmark edits
-work out
-lesson plans

Next weekend is the NICE Festival in San Francisco and a 3-day weekend. Rejoice!