Tuesday, March 28, 2006

nothing to hide

Tonight's episode of "Scrubs" ended with All the Words by Kutless. How cool is that?

How do I speak of the indescribable to You
I will try to explain these feelings that are true
So looking to the sky I will sing
And from my heart to You I bring

All of the words in all of my life
That could never explain and never describe
All of my love, which is nothing to hide
So I lift up my hands and I worship
I worship You

In your presence I forever choose to live
I will praise You for it's all I have to give
So looking to the sky I will sing and from my heart to You I bring

All of the words in all of my life
That could never explain and never describe
All of my love, which is nothing to hide
So I lift up my hands and I worship

By Your grace You let me come talk to You
It's not that I'm worthy I thank you Jesus
For the love that You have shown

All of the words in all of my life
That could never explain and never describe
All of my love, which is nothing to hide
So I lift up my hands and I worship

still make lemonade taste like a summers day

I'm not dead, but I am still drugged. Typing is still a bit painful, but it's much better today and I figure it's time for an update of sorts.

The surgery went well. It was quick and as painless as could be expected. I had two incompotent nurses who insterted not one, but two IVs incorrectly, but had a great anethesiologist who offered to then do it all for me and I never felt a thing. W0ke up 2 hours later not the least bit groggy or in pain and spent most of the afternoon with my boy until he left for San Diego. Then the pain got pretty bad because we had underestimated everything and it took about a day to get back on top of the painkillers, but I made it through.

The last couple of days have been boring. I still can't do much and my mobility is returning slowly. I'm supposed to stay in the sling for another 2 weeks, which is going to be difficult once I'm back in class and at work, but then I get to start physical therapy. The worst part of the day is always when I'm in bed, because nothing is comfortable and my sleeping pills aren't working as well anymore. Last night was miserable because my shoulder is more of a dull ache now than anything, and it'st mostly just annoying.

I found out I got into grad school yesterday, which was super exciting and means I actually have to start seriously looking for somewhere to live next week when I get back to Davis. But hey, I got in!

I'm also sucessfully registered in 8 of the 10 units I'm taking next quarter. Hooray for people dropping classes! (and for me being willing to take crappy discussion section times)

Props to Daniel, Alison, and Kim for being the only people who have called or emailed to see how my surgery went in the last week. Thanks a lot, guys.

This post brought to you courtesy of lots of typos because, hey, I just had surgery.

Saturday, March 25, 2006

im blue

It hurts to type. More later.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

well im on my way back home

I am fully prepared for my Educational Psychology professor next quarter to be a complete asshat. As in, he has already literally taken his buttocks and turned them into a hat. Already! The quarter hasn't even started! This quarter hasn't even ended!

I'm getting ahead of myself.

This morning I realized that I'm waitlisted for 8 of the 10 units I'm registered for next quarter. The exact 8 units that I actually have to take. So I email both of my professors explaining that I won't be at the first class meeting because of my surgery but I need both of the classes so I can start grad school in the fall and could they give me a heads up about what the waitlist/PTA situation might look like? I'm not asking for any favors here, I'm just wondering what my chances are since I absolutely must take both of these classes and should I actually try to be back in Davis 6 days after my surgery just so I don't get dropped from these two vital classes?

Education Psychology lecturer Paul Rooney emails me back just now:
"Come when you can and you'll have to accept the conseequences."

Nothing more. Nothing less. Are you even remotely serious? "Accept the consequences"? As if being cut into over spring break isn't consequence enough...

Ick. Ick, ick, ick. I can't wait to be out of here.

Friday, March 17, 2006

but im not here for trouble

God, I have the most incredible boyfriend in the world.

I intend to deliver a roundhouse kick to the CSET's face tomorrow.

im finding it hard to believe we're in heaven

Get your car washed for FREE this Saturday between 10-4!

Bring your car to University Covenant Church this Saturday (3/18) between 10am and 4pm and get it washed for free! Our high school students get sponsors for each car they wash, so they will be recieving ~$50 for washing your car, and you don't pay a cent!

The money will be used to send a team of Davis high school students to Mexico in April! (the same trip I went on last year and got deathly ill!)

University Covenant Church is located at 315 Mace Blvd. Get there early for a shorter wait time and don't be discouraged by long lines, there are 5-7 wash stations. Tell your friends!

Thursday, March 16, 2006

feel the rain on your skin

Something I ran across today:
"The subtlety of sin is that is takes the gifts of God and entices us to use them at times or in ways that God has forbidden." -Pastor Tirone

Oh. Em. Gee. Guys, could life be any crazier? Yesterday was supposed to be my last day of undergraduate instuction ever. Instead, I had to CANCEL my graduation. I'm less than pleased. However, it means I'm covered by my insurance though the summer, which is important. And it means I get my pre-reqs done and don't have to pay for them myself, which is also important. It's just lame.

Heath and I have been having a less than cordial email correspondance these last several days, which is also less than pleasing. I wish he could be an adult about the whole situation, nearly six months later. Stop sending me snide messages, stop treating me like I'm the most horrible person in the world, and stop acting like a 14 year old. I don't like having to be mean to him, because he's a good guy, but he just doesn't "get" it, and that's so hard for me right now because we are in such different places.

Had lunch with the always fabulous Kelli-Sho yesterday and caught up on life. We talked about starting a young adults ministry in the next year at UCC, since there's such a need and no one doing much about it. We talked a bit about ADX and the "going dry" debacle and what it's like being on the outside looking in, both in ADX-land and in college-land in general. I'll be so glad when this chapter is over, when I can look at my diploma and know that I did something great and that I've moved on.

I'm looking forward to April, even though I'll be a student. Weddings and Easter and birthdays and Picnic Day and baseball games and sunny weather. May will hopefully equal traveling, as I amazingly have nothing on my calendar yet. I need to visit Steph at Azusa for a little wedding madness, and Daniel and I want to spend a weekend in Seattle, a few beach trips/road trips, camping in Yosemite, and, of course, some time at home with both families.

I'm a little overwhelmed right now with my last history paper, registering for classes, waiting to hear about grad school, finding a place to live in the fall, the growing pile of laundry on my bed, all the people who want to have coffee with me before surgery, and trying to negotiate my work schedule for next quarter. Sometimes, I just feel like doing this.

New York...LA...
Hey man, you know its all the same

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

never realizing what's on the horizon

After a day like yesterday, I need to be reminded to count my blessings hardcore.

My interview with the School of Education went really well. I got a chance to talk about working in New York, my passion for the arts, and the importance I place on writing in the disciplines. They seemed really impressed, said I had a lot to offer, and said I would probably hear back in the next 3-4 weeks because they are at the tail end of their last interview round.

Then they told me I had to take two more classes.

Then the insurance company called to say that they were dropping me from the plan today and wouldn't be paying for my surgery unless I take at least nine units next quarter.

Hey, excuse me? Didn't anyone get the memo that I'm graduating?

So, now I have to re-enroll and take EDU 110, EDU 120, and a 1-unit freshman seminar as "enrichment courses" so I can finish my previously undisclosed credential program pre-reqs and get my surgery and allergy medicine covered by insurance. Lame.

I'm ashamed to say that I pretty much threw a fit, cried on my couch for a good hour, did a lot of "But I'm graduating!" on the phone to my mom and in person to Daniel, and gave myself a headache that has lasted through the morning. I've come to terms with it now and will be calling the registrar as soon as they open and figuring the whole thing out, but it's just kind of annoying, since I have a second job all lined up and, of course, one of the classes falls square in the middle of two of my (non-negotiable) shifts.

BUT, I'm still graduating. And it all looks much better in the morning.

So relax your mind

And think about the last time
You took a little time to count
Each blessing one by one
For breath in your lungs and Son risen'
For making your lunch in your little kitchen
While the sound system bumps BoogiRoot drum
Because it's what we're all really searching for right
To my family, where my peoples at
If you're feeling this, give me a soul clap
When we choose to discover god quality in others
It's the beautifulest thing, beautifulest thing
I wanna thank you for my life so beautiful indeed
I'm so blessed in every way
Lord you make me feel complete

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

this is not really happening

Tomorrow is my last day of undergraduate instruction... ever. I've been celebrating my looming graduation by not really doing anything for the first time in months. This weekend? Bummed around, worked out, didn't write a paper, didn't research, didn't read articles or poetry or novels. Nice.

I'm sitting in the southgate booth waiting for the next 25 minutes to finish creeping by. Then, it's off to the School of Education for my placement interview. I've had no way to prep for it, so I'm planning to simply wow them with my sparkling personality. Like a diamond, it is...

Although I haven't had much work to do, I've been stressed and distressed and anxious and more than a little PMS-y. I need to find somewhere to live, but now is not a good time for me to be looking for somewhere to live because I'm working 30+ hours a week (40+ after the break) and graduating and having surgery. And I'm having a hard time trusting that God has it under control because I feel so out of control and we've all been so busy that none of us have had time to sit down and talk about life in a while, and that makes things harder because sometimes I just need to hear Alison or Daniel say, "It's going to be alright. Drink your tea and relax". I hope my anxiety doesn't pop up unexpectedly during the interview this morning and I hope that I continue to remember that God is good and faithful and desires to see me happy.

Alaska this summer may be a no-go, what with finances and scheduling and other random interferences, but I'm looking forward to working and saving money and spending two weeks in Hawaii with the family and the boy, going on a lot of trips with the junior high kids, attending weddings, and getting ready for the big, bad world of graduate school and student teaching and being an adult.

Let us die young
Or let us live forever

Sunday, March 12, 2006