who are you

It's possible I've been working at the grocery store for FAR too long, but lately I've been more irritated than usual. In particular, there are three "customer profiles" who have really been on my last nerve lately:

1. The 8:00am Sandwich
I will never understand the customers who come in just moments after we open and ask for a sandwich. What is the thought process behind these orders? Does one wake up in the morning and think, "Hmmm, I think a pepper turkey sandwich with honey mustard and avocado would be the perfect companion to my cappucinno to really start this day off right"? Why in God's name do you need a hot pastrami sandwich on a sourdough roll in order to read the New York Times? What's wrong with just a croissant? We sell those too, you know.

2. The Food Critic
Things I hear almost every day:
"Your tuna salad is too sweet."
"Your oven roasted turkey is too dry."
"Your curry chicken salad needs more curry."
"Your curry chicken salad has too much curry."
"Your roast beef is too rare."
"Your ham is too fatty." etc, etc ad naseum.

Listen up, folks. If you don't like our food, don't buy our food. Get your potato salad at Andronico's where they don't put celery in it. I'm not going to stop putting bacon in our pesto chicken pasta just because you don't eat pork. If you're going to be so damn picky, brown bag your lunch and leave me alone.

3. Homo Impatientus
OK, this one really gets me. Imagine me making a sandwich for a customer who is standing right there. I'm wearing gloves, slathering mayo, slicing corned beef. And then I hear, "Excuse me? I need a BBQ brisket sandwich". I turn around. Surely, the brisket customer is not talking to me as I am obviously helping someone else. No, no they are definitely talking to me. What is it about the sandwich half-made in front of me that makes this customer think I am free to help them right this very minute? Do they think I am bored and therefore just making sandwiches to pass the time? Do they really anticipate me abandoning the customer I am helping at the moment to tend to their beck and call? Yes, as a matter of fact, they do.

Ah, Palo Alto....