this is the countdown

First things first – I passed the freaking CSET! All four sections. I tackle the CBEST this weekend (yeah, on Picnic Day morning. Boo), which should be cake, and then I’m golden.

Easter weekend was chill. It rained all three days (of course), but we still crammed in birthday dinner at BJ’s, Easter dinner with my grandmother, birthday presents galore, and a traditional Sunday service at Sunnyvale Pres. Plus, several naps. And no homework. And I have my car back. All excellent things.

Today I’m off to look at the apartment that, barring any unforeseen complications; I’ll be subleasing this summer (starting June 16!) and then officially leasing in the fall. It’s on 8th and J, which is still downtown enough to satisfy me, but not on 3rd St, which is starting to get overwhelming and will surely be officially overwhelming once all the graduate school stuff kicks in. The room is 12’x16’6”, the rent is $450, and I barely know the other girl living there. Perfection!

(unplanned transition)

COTW is still looking for another female for Teen Staff 2006. Max forwarded me the email this weekend and, I’m not going to lie, I immediately pulled out my calendar to see if I could make it work. And I can’t. I would only do it if I knew I could commit 100% to the entire summer season, and with student teaching starting so early, there’s no way I could stay until September. And then I started praying about it, because why is the draw so strong when I know none of my friends will be there (aside from Mike) and I won’t make any money and will therefore be unable to pay for grad school?

Going back to New York would be easy. It was so easy to taste and see God’s goodness out there in the Adirondacks, surrounded by amazing staff, and beautiful landscapes, and incredible speakers, not to mention our awesome teens. I get out on the lake and think, “Of course God is good. Look at everything He has created here! Look at how blessed I am to have such an incredible job!” And then I come back to Davis and deal with school and friends and dirty dishes and stubborn students and busywork at the Mondavi Center and I completely forget about God’s undeniable goodness and start grumbling and complaining, walking through my rainy Davis days thinking, “Why am I here? What is the point? Why am I working so hard at all this? God, when will you bless me?”

And I need to be disciplining myself to recognize God's blessings in the ordinary everyday, not just the extraordinary adventures that He sends me on. I think if I decided to go to New York this summer, God would definitely bless that hardcore. But I think He is more interested in me staying in Davis or the Bay, working 40 hours a week at the grocery store or Mondavi, and learning to recognize that His blessings are just as bountiful when things are routine and kind of boring as they are when things are beautiful and exciting and new and I'm heading off into uncharted territory on an adventure that God has called me to and I'm embarking on it based upon faith alone.

Because I think the boring everyday requires us to move forward on faith alone as well, it just doesn't seem as exciting. It takes faith alone to love your roommates even when you wish you were living by yourself. It takes faith alone to find joy in data entry and commit yourself to serving God no matter what your job is. It takes faith alone sometimes to just wake up in the morning and surrender every part of that day to the Lord - days when you have exciting things to do like hang out with teenagers and enjoy the sunshine and days when the only thing on your agenda is housework and homework and no time for the gym and it's pouring outside.

I desire to find the joy of the Lord in every single thing I do, and while I have been blessed to go on exciting adventures and work with spirit-filled people and experience God in powerful ways in beautiful places, life isn't always like that. Sometimes I'm stuck in Davis or the Bay on a dreary day and I wish I was at Lake Berryessa or in Maui or skiiing in Tahoe or even working the carnival at COTW but instead I'm reading about the philisophical foundations of education or folding laundry or looking for a new apartment. But God is good and present in all of these things - the breathtaking and the mundane, the exciting and the routine, the life-changing and the sometimes lifeless.

How blessed am I, Lord, to have breath in my lungs and a song on my lips? How awesome is this place that I am surrounded by Your blessings, even when I don't always recognize it? Life is beautiful, even when I'm not in New York, and especially when I'm right here.


"I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living..." -Psalm 27:13