to life

I've been thinking a lot about relationships lately. This probably stems from the recent breakup of my uncle and his boyfriend of the last 2-3 years.

Don told me over the phone while I was home from my surgery that Matt was looking for a new place to live because they had decided to break up. When pressed for more information, he told me that since theirs was not a sexual relationship and Matt was younger than he was, Don felt that he was holding him back to some extent and wanted him to really experience life and not be so tied up in his life with Don.

I hadn't realized that they weren't having sex. I mean, I guess I just assumed that they were since they were considered a couple and have, at various times in the last 3 years, lived together. So it got me thinking, what is an appropriate definition of "relationship"?

I think society is so quick to push sex on everything. When I was "dating" Matt from Santa Cruz the summer of 2004, he essentially told me that, in his world, we weren't a couple unless we were sleeping together. So even though we had a lot in common and laughed a lot and did fun stuff together, without the sex we were just "friends". I hear this a lot and I'm not saying it isn't valid to some degree, especially in the secular world. I'm not having sex because I believe there is something sacred about saving that for marriage, but if you aren't brought up believing that, sex can seem like just another thing that couples do, like traveling or going out to dinner or raising a puppy.

The homosexual lifestyle is a lonely one. Don and Matt were together because they enjoyed each other's company. They traveled and went to the theatre and saw concerts and spent holidays together. They lived and laughed and loved eachother - there just wasn't any sex involved. They shared their lives with eachother.

And I think there's just something so pure and beautiful and right about that. Not that I'm not looking forward to sex as much as the next gal, but there's so much of an emphasis on it that the other stuff, the real and important stuff gets kind of shoved aside.

I want to live big and love bigger. I'm looking foward to an awesome marraige and an incredible sex life, yes, but that doesn't mean I'm anxiously waiting for wild, crazy, out of control sex every night of the week. I'm looking forward to spending my life with someone. To laughing and traveling and investing time in things that are important to me. To having someone who listens to and supports me (and puts me in my place when I need it). To sharing life.

My sixth grade history teacher told me (and I don't know why he chose to tell me, of all people, this when I was 12-years old) that he believed we were put on this planet for two reasons: 1) to make others happy, and 2) to be made happy by others. I think this encompasses a lot when it comes to ministry and service, but also friendships and marriages and all of our other relationships. It's like God put us here and looked down on us and said, "Go be happy." And we screw that up so often. But that's what it's about. Being happy. Making the people in your life happy. Finding purpose and sharing life and being happy.

Not too bad when you think about it that way.